Got a crib today. I found it via Craig's List and jumped at the chance for a nice, barely-used portable crib with two bed settings and the mattress for only $45. The gal delivered it to us, and also handed over the crib set (bumper, etc), so I threw in an extra $5 since it was so super of her to deliver it and hand over the extra stuff.
I also went shopping yesterday with Fred for new shirts for me. I got 5, AND 2 bellydance dvd's for less than $60, so score another point (or five) for moi.
I apparently am lacking in protein, or energy, or both... Maybe it's just the whole "making of the baby" thing. Whatever it is, I was so tired today that, after the crib was delivered, I passed out on the couch for a good 2 hours and slept hard. Good for me, since I need to be up late, but I will say I felt like a total slug... There's stuff to be cleaned up still from the wedding that hasn't been done yet, and I should be going through the kitchen putting things away. *sigh* Instead, I sleep. LOL.
On the plus side, while I had to finally let out my pants two inches at the waist (no more muffin-top for me, thank you), my thighs have gotten a bit thinner. On the not-so-good side, my calves have gotten bigger... Go figure. I have yet to honestly figure out how the whole thing is going to end up looking at the end of the pregnancy, but I have visions of calves the size of thousand-year-old redwoods, and thighs the size of saplings. *chuckle*
I finally seem to be connecting with some of those on the mothering.com side. At least a few of them don't *seem* to be the crystal-gripping, granola-crunching hippies (as Fred puts it) that I had originally dealt with there. I may even be hosting a few sewing parties for making bottoms... I'm only a month or so away from needing to get into new pants, or making new pants, or completely forgoing pants altogether - which would be interesting, but not at all appropriate for work, as I also have no skirts to wear that will fit by then, either... LOL.
I have a busy two days off coming up. Monday I'm headed to the DMV early in the morning, and then over to the SS office to update everything... Then it's over to do the shopping at Winco. Tuesday I'm off again, this time over to the Fabric Depot outdoor sale for possible fabrics to use for pants and skirts, then home again, home again, jiggity jig.
I'm getting tired of running out of breath by the time I hit the top of a low-grade hill. Ugh.
~M
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
Irish Recipe...
Pottage
First of all, Pottage was (and still is) a main staple food for most of Ireland. It combines inexpensive ingredients with rib-sticking qualities necessary for workers. I have heard horror stories of people actually boiling sausages in with it, and serving it up. Mine is a little more simple, and a lot more appetizing. You can do the boiled sausages if you like, but I think it tastes better (and looks more appetizing) my way.
1 whole cabbage, shredded
4 medium baking potatoes, peeled and chopped
4 carrots, peeled and chopped
Enough water to cover everything by 1"
1/2 lb bacon, cooked and drained
Salt and pepper to taste
Combine first four ingredients in a large pot. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, and cook until everything is falling apart. Mash with a large masher. Add bacon, salt and pepper, and stir. Serve.
Like I said - it's achingly simple, and good to eat. Not lots of cream or butter (though you can add these things if you like to make it creamier). The bacon adds a great salty, smoky flavor to it, without it being overpowering. If you want to do the sausage in it, I recommend frying it ahead of time, and replacing the bacon with it.
~M
First of all, Pottage was (and still is) a main staple food for most of Ireland. It combines inexpensive ingredients with rib-sticking qualities necessary for workers. I have heard horror stories of people actually boiling sausages in with it, and serving it up. Mine is a little more simple, and a lot more appetizing. You can do the boiled sausages if you like, but I think it tastes better (and looks more appetizing) my way.
1 whole cabbage, shredded
4 medium baking potatoes, peeled and chopped
4 carrots, peeled and chopped
Enough water to cover everything by 1"
1/2 lb bacon, cooked and drained
Salt and pepper to taste
Combine first four ingredients in a large pot. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, and cook until everything is falling apart. Mash with a large masher. Add bacon, salt and pepper, and stir. Serve.
Like I said - it's achingly simple, and good to eat. Not lots of cream or butter (though you can add these things if you like to make it creamier). The bacon adds a great salty, smoky flavor to it, without it being overpowering. If you want to do the sausage in it, I recommend frying it ahead of time, and replacing the bacon with it.
~M
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Happiness...
Yesterday, I ended up doing the one thing that I'd swore, after divorcing the ex, that I'd never do again. I said "I Do".
I have never felt so right in my life. It's wonderful. Mum came down for the wedding, and we had a small, intimate gathering of friends for the wedding. All in all, I think we had maybe twenty people there. But it was nice. I knew everyone (except for one person that was really odd, and I'll get into that at a later time), and we all had a great time.
The ceremony was beautiful, and both Fred and I just about lost it in tears while we were saying our vows. I'm pretty sure that Mum cried a little. Mishu and Anxiety were lovely in their dresses, and Speedboy and Vlad were quite handsome in their kilts and blue shirts.
We have photos coming from both Mana, who was wonderful enough to agree to photograph the whole thing, and from Steve, who got some great portrait shots of some of the guests as well as us. I can't wait to see them.
All in all, a great time, and a wonderful way to begin a new life together.
~M
I have never felt so right in my life. It's wonderful. Mum came down for the wedding, and we had a small, intimate gathering of friends for the wedding. All in all, I think we had maybe twenty people there. But it was nice. I knew everyone (except for one person that was really odd, and I'll get into that at a later time), and we all had a great time.
The ceremony was beautiful, and both Fred and I just about lost it in tears while we were saying our vows. I'm pretty sure that Mum cried a little. Mishu and Anxiety were lovely in their dresses, and Speedboy and Vlad were quite handsome in their kilts and blue shirts.
We have photos coming from both Mana, who was wonderful enough to agree to photograph the whole thing, and from Steve, who got some great portrait shots of some of the guests as well as us. I can't wait to see them.
All in all, a great time, and a wonderful way to begin a new life together.
~M
Monday, June 18, 2007
A tribute...
I did not know him, but I know you - and through you I know that he was great; kind, generous and loving. He will always be with you, and will be forever remembered. He loved, and was loved by, his family. His star shines bright from this day forth by all who were touched by him.
Lo, do I see my father,
Lo, do I see my mother,
Lo, do I see my brothers and my sisters,
Lo, do I see the line of my people back to the beginning,
Lo, they do call to me.
They bid me to take my place among them, in the halls of Valhalla,
Where the brave may live forever.
Gods go with you.
~M
Lo, do I see my father,
Lo, do I see my mother,
Lo, do I see my brothers and my sisters,
Lo, do I see the line of my people back to the beginning,
Lo, they do call to me.
They bid me to take my place among them, in the halls of Valhalla,
Where the brave may live forever.
Gods go with you.
~M
Sunday, June 17, 2007
WTF!?
Sometimes, it's just best to leave well enough alone and quit digging the (obvious) grave you happen to be standing in. But apparently, some people just are gluttons for making the earth as rocky as possible under them.
Before slinging stones and arrows about whose parenting skills are better than others, keep in mind that your OWN parenting skills are going to be brought into question. If you children aren't with you due to the courts feeling that you aren't a fit parent, you'd best not be telling others that they aren't fit parents because of xyz that they're doing. If you don't even *know* where your child is because the courts (and your ex) have determined that you aren't a fit parent, don't suggest that someone else might not be. And, just because you've been a foster parent for a whole 6 months (if that), it doesn't make you a "fit" parent. It just means you were able to jump through the (relatively) easy hoops it takes to get extra money coming in from the state to support you instead of having to go to work like most other people in the world. Consider that the state STILL didn't allow you to have full custody of your own child.
And as far as honesty is concerned, you shouldn't be slinging THAT millstone around, either, if you can't say you've never done anyone wrong. Which you have. Several times. I'm not even talking the little group of people who are now banding together wanting to see your final downfall. I'm talking about the state, who was duped by you for several months after you no longer had the kids. Yet you were still claiming food stamps for them. I'm talking about the person whose money you stole when you forged a check. I'm talking serious, real-life crimes here. You aren't an honest person - you are someone who preys on the loopholes of society to get what you want instead of working honestly toward goals to get what you need.
You are a user, an abuser, and you have no remorse in hiding your own shameful acts behind the waving of red flags about other people's shortcomings. You will forever be surrounded by their percieved drama because you are unable and unwilling to face your own inadequacies.
When you reach the bottom of the hole, you will find nothing but air, and it will not sustain the weight of your crimes - and thus, you will fall far beyond anyone else's help or sight - and you will not be missed.
~M
Before slinging stones and arrows about whose parenting skills are better than others, keep in mind that your OWN parenting skills are going to be brought into question. If you children aren't with you due to the courts feeling that you aren't a fit parent, you'd best not be telling others that they aren't fit parents because of xyz that they're doing. If you don't even *know* where your child is because the courts (and your ex) have determined that you aren't a fit parent, don't suggest that someone else might not be. And, just because you've been a foster parent for a whole 6 months (if that), it doesn't make you a "fit" parent. It just means you were able to jump through the (relatively) easy hoops it takes to get extra money coming in from the state to support you instead of having to go to work like most other people in the world. Consider that the state STILL didn't allow you to have full custody of your own child.
And as far as honesty is concerned, you shouldn't be slinging THAT millstone around, either, if you can't say you've never done anyone wrong. Which you have. Several times. I'm not even talking the little group of people who are now banding together wanting to see your final downfall. I'm talking about the state, who was duped by you for several months after you no longer had the kids. Yet you were still claiming food stamps for them. I'm talking about the person whose money you stole when you forged a check. I'm talking serious, real-life crimes here. You aren't an honest person - you are someone who preys on the loopholes of society to get what you want instead of working honestly toward goals to get what you need.
You are a user, an abuser, and you have no remorse in hiding your own shameful acts behind the waving of red flags about other people's shortcomings. You will forever be surrounded by their percieved drama because you are unable and unwilling to face your own inadequacies.
When you reach the bottom of the hole, you will find nothing but air, and it will not sustain the weight of your crimes - and thus, you will fall far beyond anyone else's help or sight - and you will not be missed.
~M
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Another thing done...
Lil's dress arrived today. I unpacked it and inspected it to make sure that everything looks good. I'm actually glad I got the larger size, as I had a suspicion that it would still be a titch small even based on measurements - and I think I am right (at least, on eyeballing it). She'll need to have it steamed to get the wrinkles out, but then it'll be all pretty and flowy and lovely. yay!
Fred is finishing up the kilts. We are having a bit of an issue with the kilt for Speedboy - apparently the waistband didn't want to cooperate. But, Fred's figured out a way to work with it in the meantime, so I'm not going to worry about it until after the wedding.
I still need to get the "emergency" kits together with all the stuff I am figuring I might need just in case... I will most likely do that on Monday, since I'm planning on sleeping in tomorrow and not doing anything. I realize it's father's day - honestly, Fred doesn't care much. We've compromised, by me not making a big deal about it, and him not having to cook (we're doing pizza, or somesuch). However, I need just a smidge more sleep currently, so will be taking advantage as much as possible of all my time off.
As of Monday, Fred will be in charge of pulling the house together and cleaning up, vacuuming and generally putting things in order. I'll be helping when and where I can, but he has the whole week off, and I only get from Thursday forward - so... He's going to be stuck with most of it - of course, there's the fact that Speedboy's off from school, so he'll most likely be roped into helping as well. Bwa ha ha ha.
According to What To Expect.Com, I'm now 8 weeks along and in full swing with the morning sickness. The bean is now about the size of a raspberry, and getting specific limbs, and little toes and fingers are separating out.
The odd thing is that the site says they don't really know what causes morning sickness. I know exactly what's causing mine...
See, according to the site, the body, in an attempt at getting the fetus as much nutrients as possible, is keeping hold of all food in the lower GI tract until it's pretty much soup. This, in turn, creates a high amount of gas which is pushed out on either side of the food, which causes farting on the one end, and puffs out the stomach on the other end.
The stomach, feeling all the lovely fullness, figures that it's full and increases the stomach bile to process what it thinks is food. Instead, it causes even MORE gas, and then the belching happens. The vomiting reaction is caused when anything is swallowed (even saliva) and the stomach eyeballs the offending item and refuses to deal with it.
And thus, you have morning sickness... Or at least, you have MY version of morning sickness... I've gotten the largest bottle of Tums on the planet without going to Costco... Lemme tell ya, I'm such the sexy one... *braaaaaaaaap*
~M
Fred is finishing up the kilts. We are having a bit of an issue with the kilt for Speedboy - apparently the waistband didn't want to cooperate. But, Fred's figured out a way to work with it in the meantime, so I'm not going to worry about it until after the wedding.
I still need to get the "emergency" kits together with all the stuff I am figuring I might need just in case... I will most likely do that on Monday, since I'm planning on sleeping in tomorrow and not doing anything. I realize it's father's day - honestly, Fred doesn't care much. We've compromised, by me not making a big deal about it, and him not having to cook (we're doing pizza, or somesuch). However, I need just a smidge more sleep currently, so will be taking advantage as much as possible of all my time off.
As of Monday, Fred will be in charge of pulling the house together and cleaning up, vacuuming and generally putting things in order. I'll be helping when and where I can, but he has the whole week off, and I only get from Thursday forward - so... He's going to be stuck with most of it - of course, there's the fact that Speedboy's off from school, so he'll most likely be roped into helping as well. Bwa ha ha ha.
According to What To Expect.Com, I'm now 8 weeks along and in full swing with the morning sickness. The bean is now about the size of a raspberry, and getting specific limbs, and little toes and fingers are separating out.
The odd thing is that the site says they don't really know what causes morning sickness. I know exactly what's causing mine...
See, according to the site, the body, in an attempt at getting the fetus as much nutrients as possible, is keeping hold of all food in the lower GI tract until it's pretty much soup. This, in turn, creates a high amount of gas which is pushed out on either side of the food, which causes farting on the one end, and puffs out the stomach on the other end.
The stomach, feeling all the lovely fullness, figures that it's full and increases the stomach bile to process what it thinks is food. Instead, it causes even MORE gas, and then the belching happens. The vomiting reaction is caused when anything is swallowed (even saliva) and the stomach eyeballs the offending item and refuses to deal with it.
And thus, you have morning sickness... Or at least, you have MY version of morning sickness... I've gotten the largest bottle of Tums on the planet without going to Costco... Lemme tell ya, I'm such the sexy one... *braaaaaaaaap*
~M
Friday, June 15, 2007
I has a sweet potato...
You must must MUST check out the following link for the story...
That is all.
~M
http://littera-abactor.livejournal.com/7748.html
That is all.
~M
http://littera-abactor.livejournal.com/7748.html
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Whoot! The best Evah!
So, last night was the engagement party. Neither a bachelor party nor a bachelorette party, in the traditional sense. Instead, it was a good deal of fun at the bar, having dinner, singing Karaoke, and having (for me) virgin Mai Tai's (dem's tasty!).
The day started out for me fairly early. I woke up around 8-ish in the morning, had some breakfast, and started sewing. I got both Fred and Speedboy's kilts pleated. Then had a nap, and it was about that time that Speedboy returned from school (Yup - took almost 6 hours to completely sew the things. OMG!).
I got the first text message regarding the engagement party around 4-ish, and then a call. The plans were fairly secret, and we were expected to arrive at the Mandarin Palace around 7:45 that evening.
So, as soon as Fred got home, I threw him into the shower. Meanwhile, I decided, since we were getting taken to dinner, I could make a nice dinner for Speedboy. So, I threw together baked chicken, noodles and green beans for him.
One of the more interesting stipulations of the party was that we had to bring all of our "toys" with us... Fred packed them all up in a large file box, and covered it with a towel, and we headed out the door.
We met Vlad outside at his car so we could keep the toys there since, as Fred said "I'm not walking into the bar with a box full of gently-used sex toys." We stored it in the trunk, then waited (as we were a bit early) until the all clear was given by Mishu to go in.
She'd gotten our favorite KJ to come join the party and spin for us all evening long, and had the front portion of the bar cornered with our stuff. Vlad kept me hydrated with virgin Mai Tai's all evening, and we sang lots of songs and generally had a great time.
The highlight of the evening was afterwards (at least, for me). We were escorted out of the bar and put into Vlad's car, where we drove to a nearby hotel, where they'd rented a room for us.
We were given the key and told where it was, and sent on our way with our box of sex toys to toddle down the walkway. When we opened the room, we were stunned.
Candles were everywhere, lit, as were rosepetals, strewn all over. There were hershey's kisses and 3 muskateer bites, and a vase of roses and baby's breath. On the table were two champagne flutes and a sand pail filled with cold water (I'm sure it had been ice at first), holding a bottle of Martinelli's sparkling cider.
Fred was absolutely stunned. I couldn't stop giggling. It was grand. We immediately stripped and revelled in the fact that we could run around naked and not worry about anyone walking in. Ah, privacy - we're getting it now while we can. LOL.
After about an hour or so, we ended up in bed (nice, cushy, pillow-top mattress), and I was thoroughly pounced. So much so that, apparently the neighbors took offense and called the front desk to complain. *chuckle* A half-hour after we were done, they phone rang and the complaint came through. We apologised and said we were done, then fell asleep.
We were picked up this morning by Mishu, and taken back home. Fred now has a great top hat to model his leather one after, and I still have my cute little princess crown with the veil on it.
We had a grand time, and I don't think I will ever forget it.
The day started out for me fairly early. I woke up around 8-ish in the morning, had some breakfast, and started sewing. I got both Fred and Speedboy's kilts pleated. Then had a nap, and it was about that time that Speedboy returned from school (Yup - took almost 6 hours to completely sew the things. OMG!).
I got the first text message regarding the engagement party around 4-ish, and then a call. The plans were fairly secret, and we were expected to arrive at the Mandarin Palace around 7:45 that evening.
So, as soon as Fred got home, I threw him into the shower. Meanwhile, I decided, since we were getting taken to dinner, I could make a nice dinner for Speedboy. So, I threw together baked chicken, noodles and green beans for him.
One of the more interesting stipulations of the party was that we had to bring all of our "toys" with us... Fred packed them all up in a large file box, and covered it with a towel, and we headed out the door.
We met Vlad outside at his car so we could keep the toys there since, as Fred said "I'm not walking into the bar with a box full of gently-used sex toys." We stored it in the trunk, then waited (as we were a bit early) until the all clear was given by Mishu to go in.
She'd gotten our favorite KJ to come join the party and spin for us all evening long, and had the front portion of the bar cornered with our stuff. Vlad kept me hydrated with virgin Mai Tai's all evening, and we sang lots of songs and generally had a great time.
The highlight of the evening was afterwards (at least, for me). We were escorted out of the bar and put into Vlad's car, where we drove to a nearby hotel, where they'd rented a room for us.
We were given the key and told where it was, and sent on our way with our box of sex toys to toddle down the walkway. When we opened the room, we were stunned.
Candles were everywhere, lit, as were rosepetals, strewn all over. There were hershey's kisses and 3 muskateer bites, and a vase of roses and baby's breath. On the table were two champagne flutes and a sand pail filled with cold water (I'm sure it had been ice at first), holding a bottle of Martinelli's sparkling cider.
Fred was absolutely stunned. I couldn't stop giggling. It was grand. We immediately stripped and revelled in the fact that we could run around naked and not worry about anyone walking in. Ah, privacy - we're getting it now while we can. LOL.
After about an hour or so, we ended up in bed (nice, cushy, pillow-top mattress), and I was thoroughly pounced. So much so that, apparently the neighbors took offense and called the front desk to complain. *chuckle* A half-hour after we were done, they phone rang and the complaint came through. We apologised and said we were done, then fell asleep.
We were picked up this morning by Mishu, and taken back home. Fred now has a great top hat to model his leather one after, and I still have my cute little princess crown with the veil on it.
We had a grand time, and I don't think I will ever forget it.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Common Sense?
I feel a disturbance in the force lately...
Since starting the new job, I've found a decided LACK of common sense regarding how to deal with situations which may prove fatal - or those that may NOT prove fatal...
It happens all the time: families are faced with potentially serious situations, and they need to know what to do.
Some things, however, one would think would be pretty straight-forward...
For instance (Disclaimer - these are real situations that have happened all over the world - they have not, necessarily, come through on my phone line - names have been removed and specific locations have been disguised for protection):
Parent calls to speak with the Advice Nurse. Why? Because his 14-day-old child has been throwing up for the last 4 days, and has a temperature of 103... And he wants to know what to do...
Husband calls in wanting to speak with the doctor. Why? Because they've returned home (out of state) from having a surgery, and 24 hours after they arrived she now has a fever of 104. They don't know if they should go to the ER, since her family practitioner doesn't know about the surgery...
Patient's family calls in to speak with the doctor. Why? Because one of the 4 pins in their body has fallen out, and they need to know if they've put it back in correctly...
These are just a few... It seems to me, in pretty much ALL those cases, you should be seeking medical help face-to-face - not over the phone... I'm not medically trained, mind you, and I couldn't assist in any kind of ER work - other than holding a hand while someone else is bandaging the patient. But, I do know fairly obvious "needs medical assistance now" situations... These would be them...
*shakes head*
Sometimes I just don't understand...
~M
Since starting the new job, I've found a decided LACK of common sense regarding how to deal with situations which may prove fatal - or those that may NOT prove fatal...
It happens all the time: families are faced with potentially serious situations, and they need to know what to do.
Some things, however, one would think would be pretty straight-forward...
For instance (Disclaimer - these are real situations that have happened all over the world - they have not, necessarily, come through on my phone line - names have been removed and specific locations have been disguised for protection):
Parent calls to speak with the Advice Nurse. Why? Because his 14-day-old child has been throwing up for the last 4 days, and has a temperature of 103... And he wants to know what to do...
Husband calls in wanting to speak with the doctor. Why? Because they've returned home (out of state) from having a surgery, and 24 hours after they arrived she now has a fever of 104. They don't know if they should go to the ER, since her family practitioner doesn't know about the surgery...
Patient's family calls in to speak with the doctor. Why? Because one of the 4 pins in their body has fallen out, and they need to know if they've put it back in correctly...
These are just a few... It seems to me, in pretty much ALL those cases, you should be seeking medical help face-to-face - not over the phone... I'm not medically trained, mind you, and I couldn't assist in any kind of ER work - other than holding a hand while someone else is bandaging the patient. But, I do know fairly obvious "needs medical assistance now" situations... These would be them...
*shakes head*
Sometimes I just don't understand...
~M
Granola-crunchers!
After I found out I was carrying the bean, I signed up for a "mothering" discussion forum. Little did I know what I was in for... Much of what I've found so far is not necessarily something that I'm all about. However, there was one discussion called "Teens and Modesty" that I was curious about, so I decided to poke into the blurb and see what was up...
mothertoall posts the original question: "hi, I have to make this short as all the kiddos are up....but I need to ask.....
"I do NOT follow any modesty guidelines for dressing for religous reasons. I have since I have gotten older begun to dress and feel more appropriate in modest (or more modest) dress. I have a niece living with me and she is 12. I have over the last year or so become increasingly uncomfortable with the way she dresses (or maybe its the clothes others buy her....i think.) and I am looking for some input here... My niece is fighting me tooth and nail.....but for my own reasons.....I feel more comfortable if she were dressing more modestly. I have made several requests of her which she follows....but not happily."
Initial response: "Pre-teen girls start to push the edges of acceptable behavior and that's normal. And, so is you saying "no" to clothing that may put forth negative messages about self-respect and intentions... DH or I would be certain to look DD over before she left for school or went out with friends. We weren't obvious about it, but we watched and, if she went over the line, we pulled rank. Sure, there was complaining. But, so what?"
mothertoall response: "I think the sexualization of children in our culture is horrible. I feel like I am already starting the same thing with my 5 year old.....she sees stuff on tv and wants to walk, talk and dress that way. I am frustrated. But I am sticking to my guns. No bellies, no butts hanging out , no revealing blouses or tops, and nothing see thru, no panties hanging out....My niece doesn't really understand...and she gets irratated...but It is MY house."
And it's here we start having issues... Because she says "It is MY house.
First response from "UnschoolnMa": "It is your house, true enough. (Does she live with you? If so, is it her house too?) It is her body no doubt. I think you can guide without being really heavy handed."
My response to Momtoall: "Fairly new here, and am enjoying what I read. I'm due in late January and this is my first.
"I remember my mother raising me when it was "uncool" to nurse, to say yes to your child, and to allow the freedom of choice about things. Personally, I think she did a fine job of raising me to be the best person I could be, with a good head on my shoulders.
"A lot of what she did I'm taking with me and keeping. She nursed me until I was between 2 and 3, when I finally decided that I didn't want the boob anymore, and instead wanted "big people" food. She chose to say yes when I wanted to pick out my own clothes (within reason based on season), and gave me options on which one to pick if I couldn't decide. She gave me the ability to understand that I could try something on the dinner table, and didn't have to eat it all, just had to try a little bit. And she made me understand that it was Mom and Dad who made the rules in the house, and they were reasonable, but would be followed - unless I could sit down with reasonable, calm arguments about change.
"I will most likely have small assorted fruit thrown at me for saying this, but I have always felt that, while our children share our homes and our lives, they still need limits and lines - as my mother used to say, "This is not a democracy, it's a benevolant dictatorship". Parents make the home safe and secure by not only being there, but setting reasonable boundaries for children to learn from, and follow. They learn how to deal with the "outside" world by learning how to follow the rules at home.
"My parents rules were very simple for living in the house:
A. Do your best in school, and GO to school every day unless you're sick.
B. If you aren't going to school, then you need to have a job.
C. If you don't have a job, then you need to do extra chores around the house to help out.
D. If you aren't doing any of the above, you are not being a productive member of this small society we call home, and you can find someplace else to live.
"I don't believe that it was harsh at all, though my older sister and brother felt that it was (they were from a previous marriage of my mother's). After I moved out of my parent's home, I lived with other people and their children. While they felt differently about disciplining their children than my mother did, they still had the limits set in place - it's reasonable to do so.
"I guess I'm a product of the times, but I believe that setting clothing limits is the LEAST one could worry about for a teenager... It's something that can, at least, be controlled by what is being purchased... :-)"
Response from Ruth: "Thank you for saying this! I'm a strong believer in kids needing boundaries and parents being the boss while they pay the bills etc. Sometimes it seems that I'm the only parent not trying to be my kids' best friend!
"Your comments make me feel good about the way I parent, because you see the value of how you were raised before you have become a parent yourself. I'm not throwing fruit at you -- I'm offering you a bowl of delicious Oregon strawberries as a thank you!"
response from UnschoolnMa: "I think it's possible to be both a close friend type parent and a trusted, caretaking, rolemodel. Everyone has boundaries (parents included!) and we treat each other with an equal level of respect that isn't based on age."
Response from "Linda on the move": "I was raised with the whole "my house my rules" line and I thought it was complete nonsense. If it wasn't my home, then I was homeless. I left home when I was still a teen, so I guess being told over and over than it wasn't my home and I had no say eventually sunk in.
"It is possible to provide a child with loving guidance without laying down the law."
My response to the whole "be friends with your children" discussion: "I believe that parents are there first and foremost to be the leader and guide to the world. Being friends with your kids is great, but it takes a back seat to teaching them what is expected of them in society. As for others who have stated that they didn't agree with the "My house, My rules" situation at home, and ended up leaving the situation because they didn't agree with it - well, I can only say that I'm sorry you felt you had to get away from the situation rather than discuss it rationally with your parents. It didn't help either your parents OR you in the long run.
"I had a "My house, My rules" home to grow up in, and I feel I came out just fine. My sister didn't like the idea, and ended up running away and living on the streets, because she refused to come up with a rational argument to have change that would benefit everyone. To this day, my sister is one of the most spoiled humans on this planet, and uses our mother's guilt at "forcing" her daughter out into the streets as a way to get everything she wants from Mom.
"I'm not saying that you cannot be your child's friend. However, there has to be a line between being your child's parent and being your child's friend. You need to make the distinction based on the situation. Friends do not set boundaries and rules at home. Friends do not enforce consequences when said boundaries are broken. Most importantly, friends do not always set positive examples of how to survive in the world.
"On the other hand, a parent DOES do those things. In fact, that's really what a parent is THERE for.
"Being a friend to your child means that you also know when it's time to be a parent, and following through with it."
Then "OrangeFoot" pops up with this: "IME the majority of parents with the 'My house, My rules' attitude to parenting are not the type of parents to enter into respectful and rational discussion with a child.
"Personally I think that pulling the 'I pay the bills' thing is totally unfair to children who have absolutely no other choices about where they live as they have no earning power.
"If you use these arguments you are essentially telling your child that they have no power and that you have it all. The discussions on this thread around control and validation for that control make me uncomfortable. I do believe that being my children's critical friend is a much more heathy way to move forward together than any form of dictatorship; benign, benevolent or malevolent."
My response to "OrangeFoot": "I can't answer to any other situations other than my own and those I've witnessed while living with friends. My parents did have the "My house, My rules" situation - however, they always had time to listen to me if I was willing to come to them with a reasonable way to change the situation regarding most anything - curfews, allowance, clothing, bedtimes - whatever. My friends as well have the "My house, My rules" situation. Again, they make time to listen to their teens if they had valid and reasonable changes to suggest. Perhaps these are exceptions, but I am going to follow the same situation in my home as well. I came out fine, and my friends teens are doing very well - well-adjusted, and quite confident in themselves.
"First of all, the "I pay the bills" argument is one that, by the time a parent would feel the need to play, the child is normally old enough to have a paper route, and the argument is usually about whether they can have money to spend for [insert whatever stuff here]. If you are using this argument prior to the point where a child can understand the issue at hand, and the reason why such an argument may (or may not) be valid, then you need some counselling. Obviously, a 5 year old is NOT going to understand said argument.
"There is a thin line between "boundary" and "control" - some people feel that it is the same thing. It is not. A boundary is something which is fluid, which bends when needed, and moves when necessary - when the situation needs it to. Control is rigid, it is un-moving, un-wavering, and unrelentless. It does not see when a compromise needs to be made. Forms of dress should fall under the idea of boundary - make reasonable compromises based on what is acceptable for age, modesty, and location.
As I said, I have seen what has worked in my family, and what hasn't. Each child, as I said before, is different, and requires different things to raise them successfully. I will take what I have seen work, and temper it with my own learning knowledge of my child and its needs - and I will go from there."
UnschoolnMa then comes up with this one: "We aren't really a consequences enforcing type of family so I can't really speak to that end of things. Positive and negative examples are everywhere including often in the home. I surely hope to be a mostly positive example to my kids, but I know there's some negative in there too. It seems that with the "my house, my rules" approach I would be saying "I get to make the rules because my voice matters more than yours." and that's just not all that positive IMO."
The final straw apparently came from another person who said finally, regarding the original issue (clothing - remember that?) that ultimately, the parent holds the credit card. At that point, "OrangeFoot" decided that she was out of the discussion because it was all about the control again, and we shouldn't have any control over our children at all.
Apparently, according to most of the posters on this forum, we are all supposed to be close-knit friends with our children, not set rules or boundaries for our kids, and let them do whatever they want and they will apparently, supposedly, grow up to be fully responsible adults, willing and able to handle the stresses of everyday life.
Uh huh... And if we all hold hands and hum Kum Bay Ya, the world will stop waging war, we will solve the world hunger and global warming issues, and rainbows will suddenly come out our ass to boot.
So, apparently I'm not going to be a good mother - at least not according to them. Whatever. I don't feel that having an "open bed" policy with your children allows them to grow into their own space and comfort. I don't feel that "on-demand" nursing is an ok situation after the child turns about 2 1/2 years old. I don't feel that refusing to place rules into effect, and not following through with reasonable consequences will make my child happier or more well-adjusted in the long run. And I don't feel that being a friend instead of a parent is a good choice to make. Perhaps it's just me, and how I was raised, but there it is.
~M
mothertoall posts the original question: "hi, I have to make this short as all the kiddos are up....but I need to ask.....
"I do NOT follow any modesty guidelines for dressing for religous reasons. I have since I have gotten older begun to dress and feel more appropriate in modest (or more modest) dress. I have a niece living with me and she is 12. I have over the last year or so become increasingly uncomfortable with the way she dresses (or maybe its the clothes others buy her....i think.) and I am looking for some input here... My niece is fighting me tooth and nail.....but for my own reasons.....I feel more comfortable if she were dressing more modestly. I have made several requests of her which she follows....but not happily."
Initial response: "Pre-teen girls start to push the edges of acceptable behavior and that's normal. And, so is you saying "no" to clothing that may put forth negative messages about self-respect and intentions... DH or I would be certain to look DD over before she left for school or went out with friends. We weren't obvious about it, but we watched and, if she went over the line, we pulled rank. Sure, there was complaining. But, so what?"
mothertoall response: "I think the sexualization of children in our culture is horrible. I feel like I am already starting the same thing with my 5 year old.....she sees stuff on tv and wants to walk, talk and dress that way. I am frustrated. But I am sticking to my guns. No bellies, no butts hanging out , no revealing blouses or tops, and nothing see thru, no panties hanging out....My niece doesn't really understand...and she gets irratated...but It is MY house."
And it's here we start having issues... Because she says "It is MY house.
First response from "UnschoolnMa": "It is your house, true enough. (Does she live with you? If so, is it her house too?) It is her body no doubt. I think you can guide without being really heavy handed."
My response to Momtoall: "Fairly new here, and am enjoying what I read. I'm due in late January and this is my first.
"I remember my mother raising me when it was "uncool" to nurse, to say yes to your child, and to allow the freedom of choice about things. Personally, I think she did a fine job of raising me to be the best person I could be, with a good head on my shoulders.
"A lot of what she did I'm taking with me and keeping. She nursed me until I was between 2 and 3, when I finally decided that I didn't want the boob anymore, and instead wanted "big people" food. She chose to say yes when I wanted to pick out my own clothes (within reason based on season), and gave me options on which one to pick if I couldn't decide. She gave me the ability to understand that I could try something on the dinner table, and didn't have to eat it all, just had to try a little bit. And she made me understand that it was Mom and Dad who made the rules in the house, and they were reasonable, but would be followed - unless I could sit down with reasonable, calm arguments about change.
"I will most likely have small assorted fruit thrown at me for saying this, but I have always felt that, while our children share our homes and our lives, they still need limits and lines - as my mother used to say, "This is not a democracy, it's a benevolant dictatorship". Parents make the home safe and secure by not only being there, but setting reasonable boundaries for children to learn from, and follow. They learn how to deal with the "outside" world by learning how to follow the rules at home.
"My parents rules were very simple for living in the house:
A. Do your best in school, and GO to school every day unless you're sick.
B. If you aren't going to school, then you need to have a job.
C. If you don't have a job, then you need to do extra chores around the house to help out.
D. If you aren't doing any of the above, you are not being a productive member of this small society we call home, and you can find someplace else to live.
"I don't believe that it was harsh at all, though my older sister and brother felt that it was (they were from a previous marriage of my mother's). After I moved out of my parent's home, I lived with other people and their children. While they felt differently about disciplining their children than my mother did, they still had the limits set in place - it's reasonable to do so.
"I guess I'm a product of the times, but I believe that setting clothing limits is the LEAST one could worry about for a teenager... It's something that can, at least, be controlled by what is being purchased... :-)"
Response from Ruth: "Thank you for saying this! I'm a strong believer in kids needing boundaries and parents being the boss while they pay the bills etc. Sometimes it seems that I'm the only parent not trying to be my kids' best friend!
"Your comments make me feel good about the way I parent, because you see the value of how you were raised before you have become a parent yourself. I'm not throwing fruit at you -- I'm offering you a bowl of delicious Oregon strawberries as a thank you!"
response from UnschoolnMa: "I think it's possible to be both a close friend type parent and a trusted, caretaking, rolemodel. Everyone has boundaries (parents included!) and we treat each other with an equal level of respect that isn't based on age."
Response from "Linda on the move": "I was raised with the whole "my house my rules" line and I thought it was complete nonsense. If it wasn't my home, then I was homeless. I left home when I was still a teen, so I guess being told over and over than it wasn't my home and I had no say eventually sunk in.
"It is possible to provide a child with loving guidance without laying down the law."
My response to the whole "be friends with your children" discussion: "I believe that parents are there first and foremost to be the leader and guide to the world. Being friends with your kids is great, but it takes a back seat to teaching them what is expected of them in society. As for others who have stated that they didn't agree with the "My house, My rules" situation at home, and ended up leaving the situation because they didn't agree with it - well, I can only say that I'm sorry you felt you had to get away from the situation rather than discuss it rationally with your parents. It didn't help either your parents OR you in the long run.
"I had a "My house, My rules" home to grow up in, and I feel I came out just fine. My sister didn't like the idea, and ended up running away and living on the streets, because she refused to come up with a rational argument to have change that would benefit everyone. To this day, my sister is one of the most spoiled humans on this planet, and uses our mother's guilt at "forcing" her daughter out into the streets as a way to get everything she wants from Mom.
"I'm not saying that you cannot be your child's friend. However, there has to be a line between being your child's parent and being your child's friend. You need to make the distinction based on the situation. Friends do not set boundaries and rules at home. Friends do not enforce consequences when said boundaries are broken. Most importantly, friends do not always set positive examples of how to survive in the world.
"On the other hand, a parent DOES do those things. In fact, that's really what a parent is THERE for.
"Being a friend to your child means that you also know when it's time to be a parent, and following through with it."
Then "OrangeFoot" pops up with this: "IME the majority of parents with the 'My house, My rules' attitude to parenting are not the type of parents to enter into respectful and rational discussion with a child.
"Personally I think that pulling the 'I pay the bills' thing is totally unfair to children who have absolutely no other choices about where they live as they have no earning power.
"If you use these arguments you are essentially telling your child that they have no power and that you have it all. The discussions on this thread around control and validation for that control make me uncomfortable. I do believe that being my children's critical friend is a much more heathy way to move forward together than any form of dictatorship; benign, benevolent or malevolent."
My response to "OrangeFoot": "I can't answer to any other situations other than my own and those I've witnessed while living with friends. My parents did have the "My house, My rules" situation - however, they always had time to listen to me if I was willing to come to them with a reasonable way to change the situation regarding most anything - curfews, allowance, clothing, bedtimes - whatever. My friends as well have the "My house, My rules" situation. Again, they make time to listen to their teens if they had valid and reasonable changes to suggest. Perhaps these are exceptions, but I am going to follow the same situation in my home as well. I came out fine, and my friends teens are doing very well - well-adjusted, and quite confident in themselves.
"First of all, the "I pay the bills" argument is one that, by the time a parent would feel the need to play, the child is normally old enough to have a paper route, and the argument is usually about whether they can have money to spend for [insert whatever stuff here]. If you are using this argument prior to the point where a child can understand the issue at hand, and the reason why such an argument may (or may not) be valid, then you need some counselling. Obviously, a 5 year old is NOT going to understand said argument.
"There is a thin line between "boundary" and "control" - some people feel that it is the same thing. It is not. A boundary is something which is fluid, which bends when needed, and moves when necessary - when the situation needs it to. Control is rigid, it is un-moving, un-wavering, and unrelentless. It does not see when a compromise needs to be made. Forms of dress should fall under the idea of boundary - make reasonable compromises based on what is acceptable for age, modesty, and location.
As I said, I have seen what has worked in my family, and what hasn't. Each child, as I said before, is different, and requires different things to raise them successfully. I will take what I have seen work, and temper it with my own learning knowledge of my child and its needs - and I will go from there."
UnschoolnMa then comes up with this one: "We aren't really a consequences enforcing type of family so I can't really speak to that end of things. Positive and negative examples are everywhere including often in the home. I surely hope to be a mostly positive example to my kids, but I know there's some negative in there too. It seems that with the "my house, my rules" approach I would be saying "I get to make the rules because my voice matters more than yours." and that's just not all that positive IMO."
The final straw apparently came from another person who said finally, regarding the original issue (clothing - remember that?) that ultimately, the parent holds the credit card. At that point, "OrangeFoot" decided that she was out of the discussion because it was all about the control again, and we shouldn't have any control over our children at all.
Apparently, according to most of the posters on this forum, we are all supposed to be close-knit friends with our children, not set rules or boundaries for our kids, and let them do whatever they want and they will apparently, supposedly, grow up to be fully responsible adults, willing and able to handle the stresses of everyday life.
Uh huh... And if we all hold hands and hum Kum Bay Ya, the world will stop waging war, we will solve the world hunger and global warming issues, and rainbows will suddenly come out our ass to boot.
So, apparently I'm not going to be a good mother - at least not according to them. Whatever. I don't feel that having an "open bed" policy with your children allows them to grow into their own space and comfort. I don't feel that "on-demand" nursing is an ok situation after the child turns about 2 1/2 years old. I don't feel that refusing to place rules into effect, and not following through with reasonable consequences will make my child happier or more well-adjusted in the long run. And I don't feel that being a friend instead of a parent is a good choice to make. Perhaps it's just me, and how I was raised, but there it is.
~M
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Missing...
It's 8:30pm, and I'm not going to get to go home until (hopefully) tomorrow night at 11:15. Though, as one of my co-workers has injured herself most foully this evening and won't be able to be in, I have a feeling I'll be working tomorrow night's grave as well... *sigh*
I miss Fred. I hate having to sleep on the couch here due to a stupid meeting in the morning that, most likely, will be stuff they could get us to read in an email and go over it with us should we have questions. I understand the whole "camraderie" thing, but since at least 3 people will have to be on the phones anyway, it's not as though everyone will be able to actually pay attention.
On the one hand, it's only once every 3 months. On the other hand, it's 13 days before the wedding and I am stressed - and I want to sleep next to my honey. *stomps foot*
After the stupid meeting tomorrow I get to go to a brunch with friends for my wedding shower. Yay me. I'll be tired, but it'll be nice to hang out with them.
I'm already rambling... I feel so tired, and I don't get to go to sleep for another 4 hours or so... Urgh. Wanna wanna wanna sweetie!
~M
I miss Fred. I hate having to sleep on the couch here due to a stupid meeting in the morning that, most likely, will be stuff they could get us to read in an email and go over it with us should we have questions. I understand the whole "camraderie" thing, but since at least 3 people will have to be on the phones anyway, it's not as though everyone will be able to actually pay attention.
On the one hand, it's only once every 3 months. On the other hand, it's 13 days before the wedding and I am stressed - and I want to sleep next to my honey. *stomps foot*
After the stupid meeting tomorrow I get to go to a brunch with friends for my wedding shower. Yay me. I'll be tired, but it'll be nice to hang out with them.
I'm already rambling... I feel so tired, and I don't get to go to sleep for another 4 hours or so... Urgh. Wanna wanna wanna sweetie!
~M
Friday, June 08, 2007
Worries and Stresses...
There's 14 days left until the wedding... I *technically* have 53 hours total to sew the remaining portion of Fred's kilt, ALL of Josh's kilt, and hem up all 3 of the dresses...
On top of this, I am working, I have OT for 2 more of the days that I could have sewing time in the morning, and somehow, I also am going to "get" to work from Wednesday the 13th through Wednesday the 20th, so I can have the 21st through the 26th off...
I'm getting discombobulated... It's official.
On top of which, I'm worried about money (as usual), I'm worried about the bean (new), and I'm worried about my health (new-er, but not THAT new)...
I have now had 2 "official" days of morning sickness. I think I could completely pass through this entire portion of pregnancy with NO complaints at all from me... I don't care what the "au natural" mothers are prattling about - I don't enjoy barfing. Nor do I enjoy stomach pains... I may want a water birth, but I'm doing it for several reasons other than it being "natural" - it will be more comfortable (according to studies), and the clean-up should be easier (yay for easy clean-up of bloody messes). I am prepared for a c-section, however, as my mother had to have all but her first as a c-, and my sister ended up with both of hers as c-'s.
I need to find someone to be my Doula. It's something that I think I'm going to need toward the end, as I've never done this before, Mom's going to be 500 miles away (that's a different bunch of drama that I'll go into later), and Fred will be... well... I love him, but I don't kid myself that come the day I go into labor, he's going to be fairly useless trying to help, and then trying to keep out of the way. *chuckle*
I'm currently worried also about my mother's reaction over my email to her regarding the above-mentioned drama... See, for those who don't know, Mom (who is 67), gets to spend her week in one portion of WA, with my sister's two children (15 and 3), while my sister goes to work 5 days a week. She cooks, cleans, and generally nanny's both of the kids during that time. Friday, she gets the house ready for her departure, and then travels two and a half hours to her OWN home, where she has rental property she needs to take care of, and spends the weekend up there, trying to pick up the messes that were left behind the last weekend she was there...
The original issues started 3 years ago, when Sister had to move in with Mum due to financial issues. She had the baby, and all three of them lived with Mum for 3 years, paying minimal rent, while she had Mum take care of both kids and she went to work. The "new" situation started in December, when Sister had foot surgery (they had to break and re-pin everything together to fix what was wrong). Just after this, Sister decides she HAS to have a place of her own, and moves across the water 2.5 hours away from Mum. However, she continues to have to have Mum take care of her because she can't put her foot down for long periods of time (due to edema issues), and the 14 year old can't be bothered to help out around the house... SO - Mum packs up her stuff and spends about 85-90% of her time with Sister at the new place, having to neglect her own house and responsibilities because Sister can't find anyone else to spare Mum some time off.
Speed up to now, where Mum is still heading back and forth across the water, and Sister is STILL fighting to have her food fully heal - according to Sister, it's her boss's fault, because her boss is being punative and putting her into positions where she has to spend high amounts of time with her foot down, and can't make it to physical therapy like she should... According to Mum, Sister feels that her boss is totally doing this on purpose, and won't do anything to alleviate the situation. Mum said she most likely won't be able to make it down to the Bachelorette party OR the wedding shower, since Sister will need her help so much, due to the children being unwilling (15 year old) and unable (2 year old) to help out around the house.
My response to her? If you want to take the time off, then you should tell Sister that she needs to get someone to spare you for the time you'd like to have off... You aren't a slave, and there's a neat little invention that happened recently - it's called a Nanny. Have her get one. As far as the work situation goes, if Sister thinks that her boss is doing this on purpose, she has two choices: A. take it to the labor board along with her medical paperwork stating what she needs to do to recover properly, and own his ass AND the company, or B. suck it up and shut up, and quit complaining about how unfair he is.
Honestly, when my father died, her spine was completely taken away from her, and Sister takes full advantage of it. I've told Mum how I feel, but it doesn't seem to get through to her how upsetting it is to me to watch her being taken advantage of so much. She won't confront my sister, and won't change what's going on. I hate it. I hate the fact that I can't count on having my mother there with me for the really big stuff, because Sister can't get someone to help out and give Mum some necessary space. Ugh.
OK - I wasn't meaning to put all of that into a rant here, but I guess I sort of needed it... And now I'm a little better...
~M
On top of this, I am working, I have OT for 2 more of the days that I could have sewing time in the morning, and somehow, I also am going to "get" to work from Wednesday the 13th through Wednesday the 20th, so I can have the 21st through the 26th off...
I'm getting discombobulated... It's official.
On top of which, I'm worried about money (as usual), I'm worried about the bean (new), and I'm worried about my health (new-er, but not THAT new)...
I have now had 2 "official" days of morning sickness. I think I could completely pass through this entire portion of pregnancy with NO complaints at all from me... I don't care what the "au natural" mothers are prattling about - I don't enjoy barfing. Nor do I enjoy stomach pains... I may want a water birth, but I'm doing it for several reasons other than it being "natural" - it will be more comfortable (according to studies), and the clean-up should be easier (yay for easy clean-up of bloody messes). I am prepared for a c-section, however, as my mother had to have all but her first as a c-, and my sister ended up with both of hers as c-'s.
I need to find someone to be my Doula. It's something that I think I'm going to need toward the end, as I've never done this before, Mom's going to be 500 miles away (that's a different bunch of drama that I'll go into later), and Fred will be... well... I love him, but I don't kid myself that come the day I go into labor, he's going to be fairly useless trying to help, and then trying to keep out of the way. *chuckle*
I'm currently worried also about my mother's reaction over my email to her regarding the above-mentioned drama... See, for those who don't know, Mom (who is 67), gets to spend her week in one portion of WA, with my sister's two children (15 and 3), while my sister goes to work 5 days a week. She cooks, cleans, and generally nanny's both of the kids during that time. Friday, she gets the house ready for her departure, and then travels two and a half hours to her OWN home, where she has rental property she needs to take care of, and spends the weekend up there, trying to pick up the messes that were left behind the last weekend she was there...
The original issues started 3 years ago, when Sister had to move in with Mum due to financial issues. She had the baby, and all three of them lived with Mum for 3 years, paying minimal rent, while she had Mum take care of both kids and she went to work. The "new" situation started in December, when Sister had foot surgery (they had to break and re-pin everything together to fix what was wrong). Just after this, Sister decides she HAS to have a place of her own, and moves across the water 2.5 hours away from Mum. However, she continues to have to have Mum take care of her because she can't put her foot down for long periods of time (due to edema issues), and the 14 year old can't be bothered to help out around the house... SO - Mum packs up her stuff and spends about 85-90% of her time with Sister at the new place, having to neglect her own house and responsibilities because Sister can't find anyone else to spare Mum some time off.
Speed up to now, where Mum is still heading back and forth across the water, and Sister is STILL fighting to have her food fully heal - according to Sister, it's her boss's fault, because her boss is being punative and putting her into positions where she has to spend high amounts of time with her foot down, and can't make it to physical therapy like she should... According to Mum, Sister feels that her boss is totally doing this on purpose, and won't do anything to alleviate the situation. Mum said she most likely won't be able to make it down to the Bachelorette party OR the wedding shower, since Sister will need her help so much, due to the children being unwilling (15 year old) and unable (2 year old) to help out around the house.
My response to her? If you want to take the time off, then you should tell Sister that she needs to get someone to spare you for the time you'd like to have off... You aren't a slave, and there's a neat little invention that happened recently - it's called a Nanny. Have her get one. As far as the work situation goes, if Sister thinks that her boss is doing this on purpose, she has two choices: A. take it to the labor board along with her medical paperwork stating what she needs to do to recover properly, and own his ass AND the company, or B. suck it up and shut up, and quit complaining about how unfair he is.
Honestly, when my father died, her spine was completely taken away from her, and Sister takes full advantage of it. I've told Mum how I feel, but it doesn't seem to get through to her how upsetting it is to me to watch her being taken advantage of so much. She won't confront my sister, and won't change what's going on. I hate it. I hate the fact that I can't count on having my mother there with me for the really big stuff, because Sister can't get someone to help out and give Mum some necessary space. Ugh.
OK - I wasn't meaning to put all of that into a rant here, but I guess I sort of needed it... And now I'm a little better...
~M
Sunday, June 03, 2007
And so it continues...
The sewing "death march" continues on. LOL. Poor Fred couldn't calmly deal with the kilts, so we've traded chores. He's cleaning the house in preparation of relatives invading, and I'm going to make the kilts. Frankly, I think I got the better end of the deal, because I've already made one kilt for him in the past - and I hate cleaning bathrooms. *chuckle*
I went to Costco with Lil yesterday, ordered the cake and got a good idea on an easy, inexpensive way to do the meat dish for the reception: pre-smoked whole salmon side for cheaper than fresh (which was what I was going to do and cure it myself)... Go figure.
I'll also pick up fruit as well, and that way have a little more in the way of summer munchies covered.
I'm hoping to have enough to set up for a massage for both me and Mom on the 22nd, the day before the wedding. It would be nice, as I'm starting to feel a little bit of stress on my right shoulder blade and lower back...
I'm not looking forward to this upcoming weekend - it will mean sleeping away from Fred Saturday night in order to get even 4 hours of sleep... I work Saturday night until 11:15, then have to be back to the office as of 7am for a "mandatory meeting". Then Sunday is the brunch at the Marriott, and then I go back to work at 2:45pm for another 8 hours of fun... Hopefully no one will call out on that graveyard shift, either, because I'm also on call Sunday night... Yay me.
While I'm gone, however, I'll have Fred do the rest of the cleaning that's needed, so there will only be little bits of tidying needed the week of the wedding. I figure if we do most of it now, there won't be quite so much to do later. At least, that's my theory. We'll see how it actually works out.
I have decided that the 17th will be my last day working OT for a while. I'm getting sort of burned out, and I don't need that when I'm carrying a baby and getting married. So, I'll look and see what happens after, and how I feel.
I have about 30 patterns I've found that I'm going to want to get, once Fabric Depot has their pattern sale again... LOL. Some of them are maternity clothes, a few are accessories, and the rest of the lot are baby clothes. I gotta say, there are some CUTE outfits that I'm dying to get sewing on...
So, other than that, not much else going on. I'm just hoping to have the sewing done in another week...
~M
I went to Costco with Lil yesterday, ordered the cake and got a good idea on an easy, inexpensive way to do the meat dish for the reception: pre-smoked whole salmon side for cheaper than fresh (which was what I was going to do and cure it myself)... Go figure.
I'll also pick up fruit as well, and that way have a little more in the way of summer munchies covered.
I'm hoping to have enough to set up for a massage for both me and Mom on the 22nd, the day before the wedding. It would be nice, as I'm starting to feel a little bit of stress on my right shoulder blade and lower back...
I'm not looking forward to this upcoming weekend - it will mean sleeping away from Fred Saturday night in order to get even 4 hours of sleep... I work Saturday night until 11:15, then have to be back to the office as of 7am for a "mandatory meeting". Then Sunday is the brunch at the Marriott, and then I go back to work at 2:45pm for another 8 hours of fun... Hopefully no one will call out on that graveyard shift, either, because I'm also on call Sunday night... Yay me.
While I'm gone, however, I'll have Fred do the rest of the cleaning that's needed, so there will only be little bits of tidying needed the week of the wedding. I figure if we do most of it now, there won't be quite so much to do later. At least, that's my theory. We'll see how it actually works out.
I have decided that the 17th will be my last day working OT for a while. I'm getting sort of burned out, and I don't need that when I'm carrying a baby and getting married. So, I'll look and see what happens after, and how I feel.
I have about 30 patterns I've found that I'm going to want to get, once Fabric Depot has their pattern sale again... LOL. Some of them are maternity clothes, a few are accessories, and the rest of the lot are baby clothes. I gotta say, there are some CUTE outfits that I'm dying to get sewing on...
So, other than that, not much else going on. I'm just hoping to have the sewing done in another week...
~M
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Amazing...
Sometimes, I wonder about people. For instance, there was someone with whom I had been friends for 12 years... After a nasty breakup with the Ex-H, and the ensuing friction therein with the SCA household I'd been a part of (and honestly, helped build), I was summarily dumped out of said household - and out of the friendship as well.
Apparently said friendship wasn't as close as I had thought (I know, duh). It was, however firmly hammered in with the comment she made at the event Fred went to, when we found out we were pregnant... "Huh. I thought she never wanted to have children." Now, anyone who actually *knew* me, who paid attention, would have known that, while I started out at a young age not wanting children, as I got older I found that I did want them. I was no longer afraid of the responsibility and looked forward to the ability to pass along my knowledge to...
It's funny how sometimes, even after 12 years, apparently you just can't know a person if you don't want to try...
~M
Apparently said friendship wasn't as close as I had thought (I know, duh). It was, however firmly hammered in with the comment she made at the event Fred went to, when we found out we were pregnant... "Huh. I thought she never wanted to have children." Now, anyone who actually *knew* me, who paid attention, would have known that, while I started out at a young age not wanting children, as I got older I found that I did want them. I was no longer afraid of the responsibility and looked forward to the ability to pass along my knowledge to...
It's funny how sometimes, even after 12 years, apparently you just can't know a person if you don't want to try...
~M
Friday, June 01, 2007
Minor Update...
It's 22 days left, and I am heading out at some point in the next week to find better shoes. The ones I purchased simply weren't wide enough for me. However, they WERE wide enough, and fit perfectly, for Lil. SO - she's inheriting them from me, and I will find something that is more cushy to my toes.
Tomorrow *bright and early*, Lil will be picking me up and we'll head to Costco to do some shopping. I need to remember my list so I don't forget anything... I'm finding that I'm getting more and more done with the lists I make, so am starting to stick with them, as they seem to be working. LOL
I think we've picked out a name for the bean, though it's a tossup for the girls' names, since there are two that I like (though I'm leaning toward the first one):
Girl
Lauren Elizabeth Wilcox
Sharon Elizabeth Wilcox
Boy
Robert Alexander Wilcox
I figured we may as well have a boy's name picked out, just in case for the first time in world history Lil (and my personal feeling) is wrong. *chuckle* I tend to be cautious, what can I say?
Fred has finished doing the cuffs on the shirts. We started working on the kilt, but the instructions are just bass-ackwards, so we're going to do it the "old-fashioned" way, I think, and measure it out from mid-back out, and pleat from there.
We got a beautiful card from Fred's grandparents, which included a small gift that was quite nice of them. I need to remember to send them a thank you card for it, as we weren't expecting anything other than the card.
I also need to figure out what's going to happen from the 9th to the 10th, as I'm working swing, then expected to be back here at 7 am for a meeting, then go to Brunch, then do swing again, and then am on call for grave... I'm thinking that, even though it may suck, I may simply bring blankets and sleep on the couch in the copy room for the night to avoid several things, not the least of which is paying for a cab, and not getting even 5 hours of sleep. I may not get much sleep here, but at least I won't be late to the meeting. If I do, though, I'm definitely bringing my blankie and a pillow.
In any case, not much else to tell... I'm working on getting everything ready for OHP, but there's a butt-ton of paperwork to fill out. It boggles the mind.
~M
Tomorrow *bright and early*, Lil will be picking me up and we'll head to Costco to do some shopping. I need to remember my list so I don't forget anything... I'm finding that I'm getting more and more done with the lists I make, so am starting to stick with them, as they seem to be working. LOL
I think we've picked out a name for the bean, though it's a tossup for the girls' names, since there are two that I like (though I'm leaning toward the first one):
Girl
Lauren Elizabeth Wilcox
Sharon Elizabeth Wilcox
Boy
Robert Alexander Wilcox
I figured we may as well have a boy's name picked out, just in case for the first time in world history Lil (and my personal feeling) is wrong. *chuckle* I tend to be cautious, what can I say?
Fred has finished doing the cuffs on the shirts. We started working on the kilt, but the instructions are just bass-ackwards, so we're going to do it the "old-fashioned" way, I think, and measure it out from mid-back out, and pleat from there.
We got a beautiful card from Fred's grandparents, which included a small gift that was quite nice of them. I need to remember to send them a thank you card for it, as we weren't expecting anything other than the card.
I also need to figure out what's going to happen from the 9th to the 10th, as I'm working swing, then expected to be back here at 7 am for a meeting, then go to Brunch, then do swing again, and then am on call for grave... I'm thinking that, even though it may suck, I may simply bring blankets and sleep on the couch in the copy room for the night to avoid several things, not the least of which is paying for a cab, and not getting even 5 hours of sleep. I may not get much sleep here, but at least I won't be late to the meeting. If I do, though, I'm definitely bringing my blankie and a pillow.
In any case, not much else to tell... I'm working on getting everything ready for OHP, but there's a butt-ton of paperwork to fill out. It boggles the mind.
~M
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