There are times when I honestly wonder where people think they have the right to show off at events as the "Uber-Master".
For instance, at this last SCA event, I was at a particular household which happened to have in it's camp-members a "gentleman" who bears a striking resemblance to the hologram doctor from Star Trek: Voyager. The individual in question was wandering the site with a koosh-ball flogger, and the idea that he was the most topping-est Top in top-dom, and he would prove it to everyone whether they wanted to or not by topping anyone he wanted to.
Mr. "I'm-a-Master-Because-I'm-Hardcore-Like-That" was wandering the site with a blonde woman who seemed to think that being dominant involved biting people she'd never met before as hard as possible while she was drunk, and then offering to do it again...
Fred and I, as I had mentioned earlier, were standing in said encampment, talking with friends, which included a young lady who was barely beginning a teething session on the idea of BDSM. Blonde BullHead decides that she's going to "teach" our young ladyfriend what "real" BDSM is all about right away. While flogging her with the koosh-ball flogger, Blondie continually insists that she turn around to be flogged on the front. When the coaxing (and then demanding) fails, she walks up to the young woman and proceeds to bite her shoulder so hard that it presses into the bone and drops our young friend down to the floor, all the while having her saying "Ow, ow, ow - shit! Ow!" and trying to flinch away.
When Blondie decides to let go and get some air, our young friend got up and cradled said shoulder, shying away from her. Blondie then said, a drunk grin on her face "Now that's what it's like to be topped - I can do that again, if you want...". Young friend declined, at which point, it became apparently a point for Blondie to practically *demand* an opportunity to gnaw off the arm in another attempt at "Domming" her.
Meanwhile, Mr. Uber-maestro decides that he's going to go for another of our friends. Now, please keep in mind that this lovely woman, a dark-haired beauty that Fred occasionally lusts over (much to my amusement), has children and a public job, so cannot go home with major marks on her. Fred had been teasing her gently with metal claws, when Mr. Uber-maestro decides to walk up and the following conversation ensued:
Uber-maestro: May I?
Dark lady: May you what?
Uber-maestro: No, you don't get to ask questions - it's either yes, or no.
Dark lady: Yes or no about what? What are you talking about?
Uber-maestro: (now impatient) Just answer the question - may I? Yes, or no.
Dark lady: Uh, well, I guess yes...
At which point he crams her hair into his fists and forces her head down, then viciously bites the back of her neck, hard enough to cause her to fall to her knees almost immediately. She leaves almost immediately afterwards and, unbeknownst to either Fred or me, is in horrible pain from the bite.
The next morning, around 10 am, I check the young lady's shoulder, only to find that the bite-mark imprint is still there. The lovely dark-haired lady comes by to say her goodbyes (as it's pack-out day) and shows us the bite-mark imprint from Mr. Uber-maestro that's STILL DARKENING because he bit so hard!!!
Of course, sometime during the wee early hours of the morning, he and his blonde lady-friend packed out and left, possibly to avoid the eventual penis-whacking that would ensue for this type of behavior.
I'm sorry - but, ya know - if you really *are* all that and a bag of chips in the world of BDSM and play parties, you have people skills. You have the knowledge and mindset to understand that simply walking up to any old person and just giving the hardest bite in the entire world (or the hardest smack of the whip, or the cruelest tie, etc) without knowing their limits, boundaries, and where they are in their personal journey is not just rude, it's a breach of trust and bad manners.
I ended up going over to the group he'd been camped with, knowing that they knew him outside of this camping event, and told them that he had a week to apologize to the ladies for unbecoming behavior, or his "princess play points" would be summarily pulled and he'd have his pee-pee smacked - by me.
This is also the same little shit who decided to go to another friend of mine's birthday party and leave bruises on her - and she doesn't bruise normally - because he was in a fit of pique. Whatever.
He's going to find really soon that people simply don't want him to touch them - he won't be trusted, he won't be welcome, and he'll be lucky to be invited to tea after I'm through with him.
~M
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
Well, that was a waste of time...
The second interview was a bust. Apparently I give a great interview, but since I don't have a degree in either business or finance, and don't apparently have the same financial income as the rest of the "leaders" in their scope, I'm not invited to their little party. So, I'm not going to be escaping from Splat unless I get fired, and then it'll end up being to Burgerville or some other inoccuous place that pays dick for wages and makes you work like a dog for it. yay me.
In other news, while Speedboy was honored this weekend for acting very adult (he got an award from the Prince and Princess of the Summits for choosing to walk away from some goading kids rather than explain how to breathe fire), I found him getting up quickly from our computer today when I got home from the interview... Turns out, even though he doesn't have permission to play on the internet unless we're there (no, we DON'T have babysitter-ware, we believe in actually being WITH him if he decides to go on, so we can tackle issues as they arise - also, his grades aren't high enough for that kind of privelage - and yes, it IS a privelage, not a right), he decided to do just that. A friend of his put up a video on YouTube.com, and we'd told him we would sit down with him and watch it when we came back from the event. We were all bushed last night, so didn't watch it. BUT, he decided to go surfing today, taking what he thought was advantage of an empty house...
So, we're passwording the computer now. Thankfully, you cannot get onto it without a password, due to the operating system we're running, so we shouldn't have this type of issue any further. And, Speedboy is grounded for the day, so he can think about his actions. Yay him.
~M
In other news, while Speedboy was honored this weekend for acting very adult (he got an award from the Prince and Princess of the Summits for choosing to walk away from some goading kids rather than explain how to breathe fire), I found him getting up quickly from our computer today when I got home from the interview... Turns out, even though he doesn't have permission to play on the internet unless we're there (no, we DON'T have babysitter-ware, we believe in actually being WITH him if he decides to go on, so we can tackle issues as they arise - also, his grades aren't high enough for that kind of privelage - and yes, it IS a privelage, not a right), he decided to do just that. A friend of his put up a video on YouTube.com, and we'd told him we would sit down with him and watch it when we came back from the event. We were all bushed last night, so didn't watch it. BUT, he decided to go surfing today, taking what he thought was advantage of an empty house...
So, we're passwording the computer now. Thankfully, you cannot get onto it without a password, due to the operating system we're running, so we shouldn't have this type of issue any further. And, Speedboy is grounded for the day, so he can think about his actions. Yay him.
~M
Sunday, August 27, 2006
The Aftermath of Long and Short!! And MORE!!!
Fire and Steel's final count for their "Pirates of the Christmas Season" benefit fundraiser from this event was a whopping $237. Another $140 was pledged from the Archers of Appadorres, and there was a game, an amazing book, a set of Jones' Sodas, 3 teddy bears, 3 dinosaurs, a butterfly net and fabric brought as well. $50 of the take came from Their Royal Highnesses, the Prince and Princess of the Summits.
This brings the total so far, not including the pledge, up to over $500 for the Portland Community Transitional School!!
Fire and Steel would like to specifically thank Arkill and his amazing autocrat staff for having a wonderful event, and for inviting the pirates to come and play. It was an amazing experience that they won't soon forget.
But there's MORE! Due to demand, and the realization that so many people would still like to donate and be a part of this wonderful fundraiser, Fire and Steel will be appearing at Acorn War to perform and pass the hat - AGAIN!
For those who were unable to make it to Long and Short, or unable to donate at that event but still wish to do so, they will be at Acorn War, and will continue to take donations of new, unwrapped toys, books, art supplies and cash donations to be used to purchase such items.
If you wish to donate, or if you wish to donate MORE, please come join Fire and Steel at Acorn War and help them provide an amazing holiday season to some worthy children!
Another great bit of news - Fred is going to be working to get his PayPal account up and going so that donations can be processed and marked with PCTS (Portland Community Transitional School) so that further donations can be taken up through mid-November...
This is just so exciting. I don't quite know how to express it, honestly. When everything started, Fred was worried that perhaps it wouldn't work. And then, when the first $266 was brought in from the first event this year, he thought, "Well, gee - maybe this WILL work."
The event at Sea Dogs was kind of a damper, since 1700 people showed up, and the take for the benefit was only $57... He was afraid perhaps people were losing interest and things weren't going to go well, after all... And then, we went to this event.
Their Highnesses of the Summits were there, as this was a sanctioned SCA event. The first take of Friday evening was announced, $19, and there was a pause. Then a woman who's known both Fred and myself for years came up with $10 for the donation hat. And then Their Royal Highnesses came with $20... and another $20 was pledged, and another $20... The next day, more money, along with a bag of stuffed animals was given. And that evening Their Highnesses gave another $30, along with honoring Fire and Steel with favors of the realm for their selflessness at providing entertainment as well as giving time and effort for fundraisers like this... And another $50 was brought in... And then another $20... and still more was brought in afterwards...
It was amazing to be a part of that, and Fred ended up almost breaking down in tears when I told him the take by the end of the evening...
The next morning was when the Archers came by with one of the most amazingly beautiful books for the kids, along with a pledge of another $140. Fred broke down and cried on the way back from their encampment.
This is not just something for Fire and Steel to do to get an audience. This is something that they do because it's important to remember those who cannot fight for themselves and help them. They do this as a way to champion those who have no voice, who have less and need more, and who cannot control the circumstances into which they were thrust. Each time I post another entry about this, I feel more and more strongly about it, and I am more and more glad that I found such a group of people I can call friends - not to mention a man who is so dedicated and whose heart is so filled with love and compassion for those less fortunate than we.
~M
This brings the total so far, not including the pledge, up to over $500 for the Portland Community Transitional School!!
Fire and Steel would like to specifically thank Arkill and his amazing autocrat staff for having a wonderful event, and for inviting the pirates to come and play. It was an amazing experience that they won't soon forget.
But there's MORE! Due to demand, and the realization that so many people would still like to donate and be a part of this wonderful fundraiser, Fire and Steel will be appearing at Acorn War to perform and pass the hat - AGAIN!
For those who were unable to make it to Long and Short, or unable to donate at that event but still wish to do so, they will be at Acorn War, and will continue to take donations of new, unwrapped toys, books, art supplies and cash donations to be used to purchase such items.
If you wish to donate, or if you wish to donate MORE, please come join Fire and Steel at Acorn War and help them provide an amazing holiday season to some worthy children!
Another great bit of news - Fred is going to be working to get his PayPal account up and going so that donations can be processed and marked with PCTS (Portland Community Transitional School) so that further donations can be taken up through mid-November...
This is just so exciting. I don't quite know how to express it, honestly. When everything started, Fred was worried that perhaps it wouldn't work. And then, when the first $266 was brought in from the first event this year, he thought, "Well, gee - maybe this WILL work."
The event at Sea Dogs was kind of a damper, since 1700 people showed up, and the take for the benefit was only $57... He was afraid perhaps people were losing interest and things weren't going to go well, after all... And then, we went to this event.
Their Highnesses of the Summits were there, as this was a sanctioned SCA event. The first take of Friday evening was announced, $19, and there was a pause. Then a woman who's known both Fred and myself for years came up with $10 for the donation hat. And then Their Royal Highnesses came with $20... and another $20 was pledged, and another $20... The next day, more money, along with a bag of stuffed animals was given. And that evening Their Highnesses gave another $30, along with honoring Fire and Steel with favors of the realm for their selflessness at providing entertainment as well as giving time and effort for fundraisers like this... And another $50 was brought in... And then another $20... and still more was brought in afterwards...
It was amazing to be a part of that, and Fred ended up almost breaking down in tears when I told him the take by the end of the evening...
The next morning was when the Archers came by with one of the most amazingly beautiful books for the kids, along with a pledge of another $140. Fred broke down and cried on the way back from their encampment.
This is not just something for Fire and Steel to do to get an audience. This is something that they do because it's important to remember those who cannot fight for themselves and help them. They do this as a way to champion those who have no voice, who have less and need more, and who cannot control the circumstances into which they were thrust. Each time I post another entry about this, I feel more and more strongly about it, and I am more and more glad that I found such a group of people I can call friends - not to mention a man who is so dedicated and whose heart is so filled with love and compassion for those less fortunate than we.
~M
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
The week just keep getting better and better...
A month or more ago, I mentioned that Fred headed up a fire dance troupe, and they were holding a toy drive. I felt then the same way that I feel now about the whole thing - it's a great way to give back to the community and let these kids know that they are important, and we do remember them. Consider this: How many times have you been on the brink of getting booted from your apartment - and I do mean, on the brink - like, you're on your last nickel, and the landlord has just come knocking and you wrote yet another bad check to cover it, hoping that somehow, some miraculous fairy will come by and gift you with enough money to cover it and the overdraft fees... Yeah, that's what their life is like constantly - only it's not them writing the checks. It's their parents - mostly through no fault of their own. They make just enough money to barely (if at all) qualify for any aid, and none of it is housing. These kids have two meals a day guaranteed to them - and that's from a school that's run from mainly donations and handouts. So, take a moment, think back on the times you were mostly destitute - and if you have an extra buck and you're going to Long and Short, give it to the kids.
~M
~M
Monday, August 21, 2006
Delicioso!
It comes as no surprise to Fred when I make something good from scratch that's new. It still surprises me, if only because I'm so used to pulling from recipes and simply doing what I already know. The most recent one was what I made for dinner tonight... Pork Stew - or at least, my rendition of one. It's a down-and-dirty, quick stew that's easy to put together and can have extra veggies easily added with a minimum amount of fuss just by adding what you have in the freezer. MMMMmmmm... Much with the happiness.
The first trick, honestly, was getting a cut of pork most people end up ignoring. It's marketed under the name "carne asada" at our local WinCo. It's the cheapest portions of shoulder and butt, with fat still attached to it. If you overcook it, it's tough, but at about a buck a pound, it's cost-effective when you're talking a budget. I picked up some at the market on Sunday and decided tonight to use some of it in the stew.
Pork Stew
Serves: about 6-8 people
Prep time: 30 minutes
Cook time: 30 minutes
Best with some really thick, hearty bread with a good crust on it.
4 baking potatoes, cleaned and cut into chunks
4 carrots, peeled and sliced into bite-sized chunks
5 stalks celery, cleaned and chopped into bite-sized chunks
1 onion, peeled and chunked
1 tsp rosemary (dried is great, especially if fresh-ground)
1 tsp white pepper
5 cloves garlic, minced
1 lb pork, cleaned and cut into chunks
1 Tbsp butter
1 package pork gravy mix
1 package mushroom gravy mix
Start by filling a large pot with about 2-3 quarts water, and place on high heat until it begins to boil. Add salt and the potatoes, and reduce heat to a medium high. While that's going, prepare the rest of your veggies. Add them to the water along with the rosemary and white pepper.
In a frying pan, melt the butter on medium-high heat, then add the garlic. As soon as you begin to smell it, add the pork and quickly sear until it turns brown. Salt and pepper to taste. Remove from the heat and add to the pot of water.
Mix the two packets of gravy with one cup of cold water. Bring the stew up to a boil and add the two packets. Stir, and let thicken. If it's not quite thick enough, use corn starch per the directions to thicken further. This is more an in-between stew/soup thing... A Stoup, if you will. One of the nice things is that the baking potatoes are the first part of the thickening stage, which means you won't have to add a lot of extra thickeners to it.
Please feel free to try it out and let me know what you think. :-) It's very filling, though, so be warned...
~M
The first trick, honestly, was getting a cut of pork most people end up ignoring. It's marketed under the name "carne asada" at our local WinCo. It's the cheapest portions of shoulder and butt, with fat still attached to it. If you overcook it, it's tough, but at about a buck a pound, it's cost-effective when you're talking a budget. I picked up some at the market on Sunday and decided tonight to use some of it in the stew.
Pork Stew
Serves: about 6-8 people
Prep time: 30 minutes
Cook time: 30 minutes
Best with some really thick, hearty bread with a good crust on it.
4 baking potatoes, cleaned and cut into chunks
4 carrots, peeled and sliced into bite-sized chunks
5 stalks celery, cleaned and chopped into bite-sized chunks
1 onion, peeled and chunked
1 tsp rosemary (dried is great, especially if fresh-ground)
1 tsp white pepper
5 cloves garlic, minced
1 lb pork, cleaned and cut into chunks
1 Tbsp butter
1 package pork gravy mix
1 package mushroom gravy mix
Start by filling a large pot with about 2-3 quarts water, and place on high heat until it begins to boil. Add salt and the potatoes, and reduce heat to a medium high. While that's going, prepare the rest of your veggies. Add them to the water along with the rosemary and white pepper.
In a frying pan, melt the butter on medium-high heat, then add the garlic. As soon as you begin to smell it, add the pork and quickly sear until it turns brown. Salt and pepper to taste. Remove from the heat and add to the pot of water.
Mix the two packets of gravy with one cup of cold water. Bring the stew up to a boil and add the two packets. Stir, and let thicken. If it's not quite thick enough, use corn starch per the directions to thicken further. This is more an in-between stew/soup thing... A Stoup, if you will. One of the nice things is that the baking potatoes are the first part of the thickening stage, which means you won't have to add a lot of extra thickeners to it.
Please feel free to try it out and let me know what you think. :-) It's very filling, though, so be warned...
~M
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Dallas Glitter-heat? hmmm...
See what your stripper name will be!
We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute.
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some
silliness to break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more
stressful days than not.
Here is your dose of humor...
A. Follow the instructions to find your new name.
B. Once you have your new name, hit the comments box at the bottom and list it - and don't forget to copy and paste this onto your OWN blog!
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = Fantasia
b = Chesty
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j = Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice
Reply with YOUR stripper name - and post it on your blog... Why? Well, because it's fun, brainless, and pointless - why else?
~M
We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute.
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some
silliness to break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more
stressful days than not.
Here is your dose of humor...
A. Follow the instructions to find your new name.
B. Once you have your new name, hit the comments box at the bottom and list it - and don't forget to copy and paste this onto your OWN blog!
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = Fantasia
b = Chesty
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j = Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice
Reply with YOUR stripper name - and post it on your blog... Why? Well, because it's fun, brainless, and pointless - why else?
~M
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Mother Nature's way of saying slow down!
Normally, that would be a sucking chest wound - or so says the Infantry HandBook. I'm not kidding... In this case, it would be another migraine. I swear, they're induced from work, and work-related stress... It wouldn't be so bad except they nit-pick about all the crap that honestly wouldn't matter if they would keep it consistant. But since they don't, I've ended up having to tell my boss that I no longer care anymore. This isn't exactly true - if I really *didn't* care, I would no longer have the work-related, stress-induced migraines. *sigh* I care too much about my customers.
On an up note, I did end up getting an interview at a possible new job. No further info on it for now - I really don't want to jinx it. I'd like to have it, I'm trying not to want it *quite* so much (Slovatsky's Laws and all that)... It's just that it would, at the very least, be extremely handy to have since it's about 5 minutes away by bus, and right next to Washington Square Mall. Oh, and I'd get to work with pretty much a set list of clients for long-term... Yay. So, yeah - hope and pray for me, keep your fingers crossed, and think good thoughts to the goddess Hyre-me. I have 2 face-to-face interviews to pass before they offer me anything. The phone interview was cake, so we'll have to see what happens now...
On another up note, did a photo shoot on Sunday with the help of Mishu and Mana.
This is one of the preview shots of what we did... We also did some words, sayings, and moons, stars and musical notes... All in all, a very nice photo package. There were about 250 that I sent to Curvosity, and we held back others for promo "sneak peeks" - not to mention the ones that were sort of blurry and didn't do quite so well... All of these ended up being done with Crayola water-washable markers and the steady, patient hands of Fred and Mishu. Mana took pretty much all the photos, though there were a few (the one above included) that Fred took. I simply had to be patient and look pretty. LOL. I think they ended up looking great, though.
So, that's all the news for now...
~M
On an up note, I did end up getting an interview at a possible new job. No further info on it for now - I really don't want to jinx it. I'd like to have it, I'm trying not to want it *quite* so much (Slovatsky's Laws and all that)... It's just that it would, at the very least, be extremely handy to have since it's about 5 minutes away by bus, and right next to Washington Square Mall. Oh, and I'd get to work with pretty much a set list of clients for long-term... Yay. So, yeah - hope and pray for me, keep your fingers crossed, and think good thoughts to the goddess Hyre-me. I have 2 face-to-face interviews to pass before they offer me anything. The phone interview was cake, so we'll have to see what happens now...
On another up note, did a photo shoot on Sunday with the help of Mishu and Mana.
This is one of the preview shots of what we did... We also did some words, sayings, and moons, stars and musical notes... All in all, a very nice photo package. There were about 250 that I sent to Curvosity, and we held back others for promo "sneak peeks" - not to mention the ones that were sort of blurry and didn't do quite so well... All of these ended up being done with Crayola water-washable markers and the steady, patient hands of Fred and Mishu. Mana took pretty much all the photos, though there were a few (the one above included) that Fred took. I simply had to be patient and look pretty. LOL. I think they ended up looking great, though.
So, that's all the news for now...
~M
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Am I bad?
Hmmm... Possibly. I'm not sure. I do know that I have a myspace profile in which I received an email from someone with the screenname of "Heather". She acts as though she knows me. She sent me a request about a week ago to add her to my friends list. But by the gods, I have NO clue who she is. She's down in Texas, and frankly, I don't know anyone in Texas... So, unless she moved from here down there, and changed everything about herself, I only know of one Heather at all - and that's NOT what she looked like... Also, she was a titch older than this one... I'm totally confused.
In other news, I applied for about 15 new jobs today while sitting at home sick with some sort of tummy something combined with a headache. I decided I might as well do something useful, so figured I'd go along to the other portions of the web (other than games on Neopets) and see about getting a job someplace I might actually enjoy.
There are new ideas for photos coming soon... In fact, it's looking like Sunday will be the day for the latest of the Curvosity shots to be tried by Fred and yours truly. He and I are having fun with the ideas we're coming up with, and I have to say, we don't yet seem to be afraid of trying ANYTHING. This one should be one of the more interesting ones, and will most likely go toward those oddities who are known as "feeders" (people who get off on watching large women eat and get larger - don't ask, it's a specific kink - I don't understand it, but I know it's there). Think chopsticks, sushi, some bondage gear and a coffee table... yeah - should be interesting...
We're also still working on the fire stuff - that's going to be a little while, mostly because my skin needs to toughen up to a point where I'm able to take the heat (as it were) of leaving fire on long enough for a photo to be taken. We'll most likely ask Mana for some help on this one, including making a video of Fred and I dancing - with fire - probably nude... Should be LOADS of fun. ;-)
In other news, I apparently am *NOT* a feminist - at least, not according to the person that Lanius posted about... Apparently, according to Yawning Lion, I'm supposed to grow body hair everywhere, eschew all male energy, avoid the temptation of pornography of any kind, and (while she didn't specify it, she eluded to it) even make sure that I no longer allow the idea of a penis to enter my thoughts but instead decide one day that I'm gonna go strictly taco... WTF?!
The reasons I feel I am not a feminist has nothing to do with her post (and yet it's there, nonetheless) - it has to do with a realistic view of life that I've had for some time now... To my way of thinking, one must have balance in everything - that's one of the reason pretty much every single species has a male and female side to them... Even those who are hermaphroditic or homosexual have some sort of female / male side to them. It's that whole yin-yang thing. It's the balance that keeps the universe from suddenly imploding (plip!).
YL's idea that one can simply wake up one day and decide to be a lesbian are unbased in logic, honestly. I'm bi-sexual. I could pretty much go either way depending on my mood. HOWEVER - it is a fact that:
A. I've known this about myself since I was 10 years old, and
B. I still like men - in fact, I like them a little more than I like women.
So, the idea that I'm going to simply wake up one day and decide "Gee, I think I'm gonna give up dick forever and ever because it's my *choice* to do so" is completely foreign and alien to me. It's not a matter of "programming" as she puts it. It's a matter of like vs. not liking quite so much... If it actually WERE programming, we wouldn't have any gay men at all. It's a matter of hard-wiring - I thought we'd already proven that in science class years ago.
As far as the religious-based ideals on feminisim, Dianics like to believe that they are the "true" feminists - they abhore the idea of a patriarchal society, shun men, support the feminist struggle, and raise women (or rather Womyn) in the ideal that men are the evil-doers of the world, and if we are to survive, we must push ourselves up over them, forcing them to do our bidding, and thus take control of the situation and make life better for everyone - except the men, but who cares about them, anyway, they're only here to do our bidding, right? After all, it's called MOTHER Earth and MOTHER Nature for a reason...
This is a really interesting idea to me, since if you move all the gender roles around, you have the exact argumenet that the Patriarchal church has had as its undercurrent for a millenia or more, ever since the the Priestesses of Ur were forced to give up their place and stand aside for a more powerful, patriarchal society... The question that I have is not which one is right, it's why must it only be the ONE that's right?
Why is it that this all has to come down to some sort of battle between the physical differences between a man and a woman? Let's get a few things straight here about the both of them before we become so openly violent and virulent about the subject of feminism (on either side) that we end up tearing our keyboards apart...
Men:
- help create life
- normally been the hunter through history
- normally have a lower body fat percentage (on average)
- normally are stronger in the upper body area
- think through a problem to its solution and provide the answer immediately
- normally more analytical thinkers
- normally has a fight instinct rather than flight instinct (depending)
Women:
- give life
- normally have been the gatherers through history
- normally have a higher body fat percentage (on average)
- normally are stronger in the mid and lower body area
- think about all possible solutions to a problem and ask for advice
- normally are more subjective thinkers
- normally have a flight instinct rather than a fight instinct (depending)
When compared on just these levels, you can see that there is an equal balance of what is needed in order to survive in the world. It no longer becomes a question of who's right and who's wrong - it becomes a question of which situation am I in and which is going to be the better-suited person for the job. There are a lot of "normally" situated through the list - that's because there are exceptions to every rule, especially in nature. Depending on the situation, depending on the persons involved... These are decisions which need to be made at that time, not prior to.
I just think that it's silly that people feel it necessary to, firstly, force an ideal upon others when it's so completely radical and anti-humanistic, and secondly, try and make other women feel bad for NOT fitting that ideal. If you feel that the way to "true womyn-hood" is to shun anything and everything male, not give birth, grow hairy legs and armpits, and never go shopping again, go for it. Let me know how it works out for you... In the meantime, the rest of us have jobs, lives, and loves in the REAL world.
~M
In other news, I applied for about 15 new jobs today while sitting at home sick with some sort of tummy something combined with a headache. I decided I might as well do something useful, so figured I'd go along to the other portions of the web (other than games on Neopets) and see about getting a job someplace I might actually enjoy.
There are new ideas for photos coming soon... In fact, it's looking like Sunday will be the day for the latest of the Curvosity shots to be tried by Fred and yours truly. He and I are having fun with the ideas we're coming up with, and I have to say, we don't yet seem to be afraid of trying ANYTHING. This one should be one of the more interesting ones, and will most likely go toward those oddities who are known as "feeders" (people who get off on watching large women eat and get larger - don't ask, it's a specific kink - I don't understand it, but I know it's there). Think chopsticks, sushi, some bondage gear and a coffee table... yeah - should be interesting...
We're also still working on the fire stuff - that's going to be a little while, mostly because my skin needs to toughen up to a point where I'm able to take the heat (as it were) of leaving fire on long enough for a photo to be taken. We'll most likely ask Mana for some help on this one, including making a video of Fred and I dancing - with fire - probably nude... Should be LOADS of fun. ;-)
In other news, I apparently am *NOT* a feminist - at least, not according to the person that Lanius posted about... Apparently, according to Yawning Lion, I'm supposed to grow body hair everywhere, eschew all male energy, avoid the temptation of pornography of any kind, and (while she didn't specify it, she eluded to it) even make sure that I no longer allow the idea of a penis to enter my thoughts but instead decide one day that I'm gonna go strictly taco... WTF?!
The reasons I feel I am not a feminist has nothing to do with her post (and yet it's there, nonetheless) - it has to do with a realistic view of life that I've had for some time now... To my way of thinking, one must have balance in everything - that's one of the reason pretty much every single species has a male and female side to them... Even those who are hermaphroditic or homosexual have some sort of female / male side to them. It's that whole yin-yang thing. It's the balance that keeps the universe from suddenly imploding (plip!).
YL's idea that one can simply wake up one day and decide to be a lesbian are unbased in logic, honestly. I'm bi-sexual. I could pretty much go either way depending on my mood. HOWEVER - it is a fact that:
A. I've known this about myself since I was 10 years old, and
B. I still like men - in fact, I like them a little more than I like women.
So, the idea that I'm going to simply wake up one day and decide "Gee, I think I'm gonna give up dick forever and ever because it's my *choice* to do so" is completely foreign and alien to me. It's not a matter of "programming" as she puts it. It's a matter of like vs. not liking quite so much... If it actually WERE programming, we wouldn't have any gay men at all. It's a matter of hard-wiring - I thought we'd already proven that in science class years ago.
As far as the religious-based ideals on feminisim, Dianics like to believe that they are the "true" feminists - they abhore the idea of a patriarchal society, shun men, support the feminist struggle, and raise women (or rather Womyn) in the ideal that men are the evil-doers of the world, and if we are to survive, we must push ourselves up over them, forcing them to do our bidding, and thus take control of the situation and make life better for everyone - except the men, but who cares about them, anyway, they're only here to do our bidding, right? After all, it's called MOTHER Earth and MOTHER Nature for a reason...
This is a really interesting idea to me, since if you move all the gender roles around, you have the exact argumenet that the Patriarchal church has had as its undercurrent for a millenia or more, ever since the the Priestesses of Ur were forced to give up their place and stand aside for a more powerful, patriarchal society... The question that I have is not which one is right, it's why must it only be the ONE that's right?
Why is it that this all has to come down to some sort of battle between the physical differences between a man and a woman? Let's get a few things straight here about the both of them before we become so openly violent and virulent about the subject of feminism (on either side) that we end up tearing our keyboards apart...
Men:
- help create life
- normally been the hunter through history
- normally have a lower body fat percentage (on average)
- normally are stronger in the upper body area
- think through a problem to its solution and provide the answer immediately
- normally more analytical thinkers
- normally has a fight instinct rather than flight instinct (depending)
Women:
- give life
- normally have been the gatherers through history
- normally have a higher body fat percentage (on average)
- normally are stronger in the mid and lower body area
- think about all possible solutions to a problem and ask for advice
- normally are more subjective thinkers
- normally have a flight instinct rather than a fight instinct (depending)
When compared on just these levels, you can see that there is an equal balance of what is needed in order to survive in the world. It no longer becomes a question of who's right and who's wrong - it becomes a question of which situation am I in and which is going to be the better-suited person for the job. There are a lot of "normally" situated through the list - that's because there are exceptions to every rule, especially in nature. Depending on the situation, depending on the persons involved... These are decisions which need to be made at that time, not prior to.
I just think that it's silly that people feel it necessary to, firstly, force an ideal upon others when it's so completely radical and anti-humanistic, and secondly, try and make other women feel bad for NOT fitting that ideal. If you feel that the way to "true womyn-hood" is to shun anything and everything male, not give birth, grow hairy legs and armpits, and never go shopping again, go for it. Let me know how it works out for you... In the meantime, the rest of us have jobs, lives, and loves in the REAL world.
~M
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Ack! I need clothing!
Because I am a schlub who decided to be completely lazy yesterday after the neurology appointment, I have no clean clothing to wear to work. THIS sounds like a job for... Well... Me. *sigh*
Yes, it's time for me to dig out the quarters and try to get at least a bit of laundry done. I think I have enough for 1 or possibly 2 loads... I hope... I can say that ALL my undies will be going in for a thorough cleaning, and pants and some tops. We'll have to see from there.
Speaking of clothing, I truly need a sugar-daddy, OR a better-paying job. Either one would be sufficient, as far as I'm concerned. I just got the new Roaman's catalog, and they've apparently gotten a new buyer for their clothing. A lot of it is really *nice*, and I WANT it. Grrrr. Sucks to be me and poor. Or rather, sucks to be me with ethics like paying bills first and THEN looking at things I want.
Fred's troupe is still looking for donations of both fabric for clothing (for their costumes for the Portland Community Transitional School gig) and books, art kits, clothing, toys and gift cards for the kids. They'd also like to get something for the teachers who give so much to the school year round, so any ideas or connections would be greatly appreciated.
Other than that, nothing much is going on in my life... I'm just trying to find another job someplace that's going to be better than where I am now... Splat is going to drive me crazy very, very soon - especially since it's such a short trip anyway. LOL.
~M
Yes, it's time for me to dig out the quarters and try to get at least a bit of laundry done. I think I have enough for 1 or possibly 2 loads... I hope... I can say that ALL my undies will be going in for a thorough cleaning, and pants and some tops. We'll have to see from there.
Speaking of clothing, I truly need a sugar-daddy, OR a better-paying job. Either one would be sufficient, as far as I'm concerned. I just got the new Roaman's catalog, and they've apparently gotten a new buyer for their clothing. A lot of it is really *nice*, and I WANT it. Grrrr. Sucks to be me and poor. Or rather, sucks to be me with ethics like paying bills first and THEN looking at things I want.
Fred's troupe is still looking for donations of both fabric for clothing (for their costumes for the Portland Community Transitional School gig) and books, art kits, clothing, toys and gift cards for the kids. They'd also like to get something for the teachers who give so much to the school year round, so any ideas or connections would be greatly appreciated.
Other than that, nothing much is going on in my life... I'm just trying to find another job someplace that's going to be better than where I am now... Splat is going to drive me crazy very, very soon - especially since it's such a short trip anyway. LOL.
~M
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Chatting...
So, last night I went online and chatted with two of my fans from the Curvosity site. Fred and I decided that I needed a little bit more *a-hem* attention put on me, in order to generate more revenue to my specific site.
SO - we came up with the idea of cam-chatting. This is by no means something that is rare for most models to do. Hell, some women do it just for the fun of it, and don't model at all. *chuckle* I thought it over and decided that it wouldn't be such a bad thing for me to do, so we posted up that I'd be available for chatting around 8-ish on the 5th, under my curvosity name on Yahoo.
Eight rolled around and only two people ended up signing in. That's ok, though, because they turned out to be really sweet guys. I'm sure they either A. expected a show or B. expected a 'bot instead of a human being... LOL. Little did they know... I was honest, open, and forthright about everything, and answered their questions. I drew them into the conversations and had them talk about themselves. I didn't do a show for them, but I did look pretty and smile a lot into the camera while showing a lot of cleavage.
I'm planning on another chat session next month, and am thinking that these two will jump at the chance to come back. I'll welcome them, too. They were polite, warm, and friendly, and didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all. Fred said that most likely, they'll end up being my "bodyguards" at the next chat, which is fine with me. I like the idea of chatters moderating themselves rather than having to necessarily step up and give the "smacketh of the down" as it were. It's difficult enough juggling conversations without having to tell people to behave themselves.
I'm prepared to deal with possible "bad" behavior, however, just in case. I like the idea of being the host of my own chat session, which will allow me to add or remove anyone who annoys me - and I can ignore them if necessary. It gives me the power to dictate when I need to, and allows me the comfort of knowing it without always having to use it. :-)
I will say, I was glad that fire practice was cancelled last night. It allowed for Fred to be there for the whole thing (mostly - until he fell asleep) so I was able to have someone to be there just in case something went wrong or I wasn't sure how to respond. I'm pretty certain it won't be as easy next time as it was this time around - but I'll hope for a ramping up period, where it'll get difficult slowly instead of in one big push.
~M
SO - we came up with the idea of cam-chatting. This is by no means something that is rare for most models to do. Hell, some women do it just for the fun of it, and don't model at all. *chuckle* I thought it over and decided that it wouldn't be such a bad thing for me to do, so we posted up that I'd be available for chatting around 8-ish on the 5th, under my curvosity name on Yahoo.
Eight rolled around and only two people ended up signing in. That's ok, though, because they turned out to be really sweet guys. I'm sure they either A. expected a show or B. expected a 'bot instead of a human being... LOL. Little did they know... I was honest, open, and forthright about everything, and answered their questions. I drew them into the conversations and had them talk about themselves. I didn't do a show for them, but I did look pretty and smile a lot into the camera while showing a lot of cleavage.
I'm planning on another chat session next month, and am thinking that these two will jump at the chance to come back. I'll welcome them, too. They were polite, warm, and friendly, and didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all. Fred said that most likely, they'll end up being my "bodyguards" at the next chat, which is fine with me. I like the idea of chatters moderating themselves rather than having to necessarily step up and give the "smacketh of the down" as it were. It's difficult enough juggling conversations without having to tell people to behave themselves.
I'm prepared to deal with possible "bad" behavior, however, just in case. I like the idea of being the host of my own chat session, which will allow me to add or remove anyone who annoys me - and I can ignore them if necessary. It gives me the power to dictate when I need to, and allows me the comfort of knowing it without always having to use it. :-)
I will say, I was glad that fire practice was cancelled last night. It allowed for Fred to be there for the whole thing (mostly - until he fell asleep) so I was able to have someone to be there just in case something went wrong or I wasn't sure how to respond. I'm pretty certain it won't be as easy next time as it was this time around - but I'll hope for a ramping up period, where it'll get difficult slowly instead of in one big push.
~M
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Yeah - that about sums it up...
To Fred, who knows why... I love you!
Everything
Alanis Morrisette
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen and you've never met anyone
Who is as positive as I am sometimes
You see everything you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
I blame everyone else & not my own partaking
My passive aggressive-ness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting and you've never met anyone
Who is as closed down as I am sometimes
You see everything you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
What I resist persists and speaks louder than I know
What I resist you love no matter how low or high I go
I am the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known and you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes
you see everything you see every part
you see all my light and you love my dark
you dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
Everything
Alanis Morrisette
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen and you've never met anyone
Who is as positive as I am sometimes
You see everything you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
I blame everyone else & not my own partaking
My passive aggressive-ness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting and you've never met anyone
Who is as closed down as I am sometimes
You see everything you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
What I resist persists and speaks louder than I know
What I resist you love no matter how low or high I go
I am the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known and you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes
you see everything you see every part
you see all my light and you love my dark
you dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
Reflections...
So, I posted up a copy of the last blog entry over on the Curvosity Forums... One reply said that I didn't have that big of legs that she could see, and suggested that perhaps I should see someone as it sounded like I was getting more chemically depressed than anything...
Perhaps she is right. I've been on meds for my Cyclothymia for several years now, and up until my migraines really started, it was working fine. I'm not sure now what quite to do... I know that somehow, I'm going to have to simply get through this and re-accept myself for who I am. Fred was wonderful last night and had me stand up (nude) in front of him, and he outlined my legs with his hands, and said that he loved the way they curved, just like they should.
I know that logically, he's right. I mean, there's at least 1000 people in respective groups who are fans of me, who find me attractive just the way I am. But honestly, it only matters what I think of myself. If I cannot find myself attractive, I find it difficult to believe that others would, as well. While I truly appreciate how marvelous it is that there are that many people who find large women (specifically myself) quite attractive, it's still just a matter of how I view myself. I don't have to deal with them on a daily, nay hourly basis. I must deal with myself.
There's the question of whether or not I've been cut short in promotions due to my weight, and I have to say I wouldn't be surprised. The company that I worked for where I pushed for a promotions had very little to provide women, and those few they did give promotions to were reasonably attractive. There was 1 woman who wasn't, and they ended up putting her on the graveyard shift.
Even in the culinary field, unless it's baking, they don't take you seriously if you're a female in the kitchen - and if you're overweight, forget it. Many times, they look on you with a tolerant smile, and pat you on the head and send you out as a gopher, OR they hand you practically impossible tasks to finish and look horribly disappointed when you can't finish or ask for help to finish it on time. You're there until you get married and/or pop out babies, as far as a lot of Exec chefs are concerned. It's not really your field. So, there are a few avenues to follow as a female - you can either kiss ass and do everything they ask you to, hoping that some day they'll take you seriously, and kill yourself working 80-100 hours a week doing it, or you can work on a business plan and pray to whatever gods are out there that it'll work and open your own place - and hope that the bankers and investers take you seriously, since the old guard certainly doesn't.
Bitter? Possibly... I went through two different internships where this attitude was prevelant. The second one wasn't quite as bad, as it was catering and they needed all the hands they could get. The first one, however, was a catering portion of a restaurant, and they ran it with a restaurant attitude. Women have no place in the kitchen, they seemed to say - so unless you want to decorate plates for dessert or serve, get out of our way. Oh, and you're not even attractive, so really - just leave.
I'm terrified to go back to work and find out that I'm not going to get the position that I want (off the phones). Honestly, I have to wonder if my weight plays a factor in it. It's not as though it has anything to do with whether I actually can *do* the job - but frankly, neither do the questions that they ask... And they still ask them. So, I have to wonder if the hiring department discusses everyone and ends up noting down what they looked like to keep things straight... and when they get to me, is the description "that fat girl with the long red hair".
As Fred put it when we found out that the creek at Sea Dogs was no longer "period" bathing - "It's only ok for public nudity if the chick is hot.".
~M
Perhaps she is right. I've been on meds for my Cyclothymia for several years now, and up until my migraines really started, it was working fine. I'm not sure now what quite to do... I know that somehow, I'm going to have to simply get through this and re-accept myself for who I am. Fred was wonderful last night and had me stand up (nude) in front of him, and he outlined my legs with his hands, and said that he loved the way they curved, just like they should.
I know that logically, he's right. I mean, there's at least 1000 people in respective groups who are fans of me, who find me attractive just the way I am. But honestly, it only matters what I think of myself. If I cannot find myself attractive, I find it difficult to believe that others would, as well. While I truly appreciate how marvelous it is that there are that many people who find large women (specifically myself) quite attractive, it's still just a matter of how I view myself. I don't have to deal with them on a daily, nay hourly basis. I must deal with myself.
There's the question of whether or not I've been cut short in promotions due to my weight, and I have to say I wouldn't be surprised. The company that I worked for where I pushed for a promotions had very little to provide women, and those few they did give promotions to were reasonably attractive. There was 1 woman who wasn't, and they ended up putting her on the graveyard shift.
Even in the culinary field, unless it's baking, they don't take you seriously if you're a female in the kitchen - and if you're overweight, forget it. Many times, they look on you with a tolerant smile, and pat you on the head and send you out as a gopher, OR they hand you practically impossible tasks to finish and look horribly disappointed when you can't finish or ask for help to finish it on time. You're there until you get married and/or pop out babies, as far as a lot of Exec chefs are concerned. It's not really your field. So, there are a few avenues to follow as a female - you can either kiss ass and do everything they ask you to, hoping that some day they'll take you seriously, and kill yourself working 80-100 hours a week doing it, or you can work on a business plan and pray to whatever gods are out there that it'll work and open your own place - and hope that the bankers and investers take you seriously, since the old guard certainly doesn't.
Bitter? Possibly... I went through two different internships where this attitude was prevelant. The second one wasn't quite as bad, as it was catering and they needed all the hands they could get. The first one, however, was a catering portion of a restaurant, and they ran it with a restaurant attitude. Women have no place in the kitchen, they seemed to say - so unless you want to decorate plates for dessert or serve, get out of our way. Oh, and you're not even attractive, so really - just leave.
I'm terrified to go back to work and find out that I'm not going to get the position that I want (off the phones). Honestly, I have to wonder if my weight plays a factor in it. It's not as though it has anything to do with whether I actually can *do* the job - but frankly, neither do the questions that they ask... And they still ask them. So, I have to wonder if the hiring department discusses everyone and ends up noting down what they looked like to keep things straight... and when they get to me, is the description "that fat girl with the long red hair".
As Fred put it when we found out that the creek at Sea Dogs was no longer "period" bathing - "It's only ok for public nudity if the chick is hot.".
~M
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Slightly Whacked...
I'm not sure exactly *why* I'm feeling slightly whacked of late, but I am. Honestly, it's not anything that has happened in my relationship with Fred. THAT's going swimmingly. It's not even anything that's going on at work, though honestly, I could use a change in venue soon, or I'll explode - but that's just from frustration.
The whacked part is that I'm depressed of late, and I don't know why. I got down on myself because of my body shape (of ALL things) yesterday. Specifically my legs. They're big - and not just normally big that big girls tend to get... No, they're gargantuan. I've always had large-ish legs, even when I was thinner. It's part of the heredity thing - having taken from my mum's side of the family for calf sizes, I couldn't wear normal-sized cowboy boots when I was little because they were too skinny for me. My muscles were too developed, so I had to either have them modified, or not wear boots at all.
After 20 years worth of pretty much no major athletics other than weight training and hiking, and then getting overweight on top of it, they're big... really big. I remember at an SCA event back east a few years ago, I got poison ivy and went to the local medic tent. The gal there asked if my calves were normally swollen to that size. I had to explain that it wasn't swelling, it was fat. She and I were both mortified, and I doubt she's ever asked anything like that ever again. I immediately got a huge complex, and never wore skirts that went up past my ankles ever again.
I figured out yesterday that this is why BODacious Magazine isn't interested in me as a model. My legs aren't shapely, not even for a big girl. You see, I'm the *ONLY* model on Curvosity that has legs this huge... Even the girls on there that are bigger than I am have curvy, lovely-shaped legs... I have tree stumps. Go figure. I'm pretty well convinced that I'm not getting subscriptions because of them, and if I left them out of the picture, I'd actually get somewhere...
Fred has told me if I'm this sensative about it, we can outfit the other bicycle with a better, more comfortable seat, and brakes, and I can take it out on weekends... My main issue is not wanting to leave the house at all at this point. Not unless I'm completely shrouded. How silly is that?! I mean, here I am, a BBW Curvosity model, who takes her clothes off and posts pics of it online, and I don't want to leave the house for fear that someone might see me...
Logically speaking, I have absolutely no reason to feel this way. I have a loving and adoring boyfriend who thinks that I'm absolutely fabulous no matter what size I am, and who loves me for me. I have friends who think that I'm great. I have a boss who thinks I have lots of potential to fulfill and is willing to support me in getting there. I'm done with my period, so it's not hormones. All in all, I don't have one single reason to feel this way. But I do. I don't get it...
~M
The whacked part is that I'm depressed of late, and I don't know why. I got down on myself because of my body shape (of ALL things) yesterday. Specifically my legs. They're big - and not just normally big that big girls tend to get... No, they're gargantuan. I've always had large-ish legs, even when I was thinner. It's part of the heredity thing - having taken from my mum's side of the family for calf sizes, I couldn't wear normal-sized cowboy boots when I was little because they were too skinny for me. My muscles were too developed, so I had to either have them modified, or not wear boots at all.
After 20 years worth of pretty much no major athletics other than weight training and hiking, and then getting overweight on top of it, they're big... really big. I remember at an SCA event back east a few years ago, I got poison ivy and went to the local medic tent. The gal there asked if my calves were normally swollen to that size. I had to explain that it wasn't swelling, it was fat. She and I were both mortified, and I doubt she's ever asked anything like that ever again. I immediately got a huge complex, and never wore skirts that went up past my ankles ever again.
I figured out yesterday that this is why BODacious Magazine isn't interested in me as a model. My legs aren't shapely, not even for a big girl. You see, I'm the *ONLY* model on Curvosity that has legs this huge... Even the girls on there that are bigger than I am have curvy, lovely-shaped legs... I have tree stumps. Go figure. I'm pretty well convinced that I'm not getting subscriptions because of them, and if I left them out of the picture, I'd actually get somewhere...
Fred has told me if I'm this sensative about it, we can outfit the other bicycle with a better, more comfortable seat, and brakes, and I can take it out on weekends... My main issue is not wanting to leave the house at all at this point. Not unless I'm completely shrouded. How silly is that?! I mean, here I am, a BBW Curvosity model, who takes her clothes off and posts pics of it online, and I don't want to leave the house for fear that someone might see me...
Logically speaking, I have absolutely no reason to feel this way. I have a loving and adoring boyfriend who thinks that I'm absolutely fabulous no matter what size I am, and who loves me for me. I have friends who think that I'm great. I have a boss who thinks I have lots of potential to fulfill and is willing to support me in getting there. I'm done with my period, so it's not hormones. All in all, I don't have one single reason to feel this way. But I do. I don't get it...
~M
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