Monday, January 28, 2008

Sleepy? Nay, rather exhausted, honestly.

I have taken the last 3 days off work due to the added physical stresses that Elizabeth, not to mention a rather nasty sinus infection, has decided to provide me. I've had mild but constant contractions for most of the last week, after Monday and Tuesday having some really GREAT ones for about 5 hours apiece - only to have them die down to nothing within 20 minutes or so. *sigh*

I've pretty well been sleeping the whole time, and I can only think that apparently I'm bank-rolling up time for the future, where I won't be able to sleep much at all. Those times I haven't been sleeping, I've been puttering around the house, sort of cleaning. Avoided the computer like the plague, and the phone, and haven't been horribly sociable, either.

Another thing that has been a thorn in my side is listening to the comments from those at work (yet another reason why I wouldn't want to go back at this point), about what's going on with the pregnancy... In one day, I heard from no less than 7 people in my department (and on that day, there were only 12 of us on the floor) "Gee, you STILL haven't had that baby yet?"

No, fuq'ers, I still haven't had the @$#%$#%$#@ baby yet. Does it LOOK like I've had the #$%$#%$##@ baby yet?! Honestly. My belly is so far out there that I am wearing the same size now that I had been at my heaviest prior to weight loss surgery, my back has decided that it's going to permanently bend itself into a compound bow shape, and my abdomen feels as though I have the world's worst hernia happening... What do YOU think I'm doing?

Makes one tempted to say "Yes, I had the baby, but I liked the shape so much I had an implant put in - it wiggles on command! Here's your sign..."

Tomorrow I spend all day up on pill hill in 3 separate appointments. First we get to stare at the baby for about an hour or so via ultrasound, to see whether she passes all 8 of her reflex tests. Then I go back in about 2 hours later and they do a "non-stress-test" fetal monitor, where they will hook up a heart-rate monitor to my belly and get a 25 minute strip of good, solid heartbeat - at least, that's the plan. Then finally, I have my OB appointment, where, hopefully, the results will be favorable to simply start things going via the wonders of modern medicine, and my OB will take pity on my poor self.

Now, mind you, I believe I have mentioned before that Elizabeth **HATES** to be monitored at all. She will scratch, kick, bump, wiggle away, and generally be a pain in the ass to all monitoring devices. I already explained to her several times if she didn't want to be monitored, she'd best get out now, so she doesn't have to deal with it. She gets agitated enough and she gets the hiccups, which then repeatedly (and rapidly) expands and contracts my belly while she bumps her little bottom into me and wiggles in outrage. The only way I have found to stop the hiccups is to pat her gently but firmly on her little bottom for about 2-3 minutes to calm her down. I'm pretty sure that she's ready to come out, and I *know* that I'm ready to have her come out - if only to stop the hiccup ride from happening yet again.

Tomorrow is also Fred's birthday... I was born on my father's birthday, so I will say it would be kind of cool to have Elizabeth born on HER daddy's birthday as well... She's already got his temper and sense of humor (obviously), so why not just go for the whole shebang? *chuckle* I think I'm more than wishful in this.

I did get to a point this weekend where I simply didn't care all that much about any of it at all. I was tired, having mild (but solid) contractions, and had a sinus headache. It was the most relaxed I've felt in a while, which is saying something... I'm not sure what, but it definitely said something. LOL.

So, keep your fingers crossed for me, and hope that soon, I will have a wiggly thing in my arms rather than still stuffed inside.

~M

Monday, January 21, 2008

All out of virtues...

They say that patience is a virtue... Unfortunately, I apparently do not have much, and what little I have normally is pretty well exhausted at this point.

Baby Elizabeth is still not out, and I am totally over the novelty of being pregnant and big as a house. Baby, however, is perfectly happy to stay inside until it's time for her college interviews, apparently. I feel like she's sitting so low she's between my knees, and I can't even get out to walk faster than a slow stroll.

Friday found me falling completely apart, and Fred had to go out to get me Excedrin PM, as suggested by both my OB and my PT. Turns out, I hadn't gotten more than about 4-5 hours of actual sleep in about 4-5days, which meant that I was totally exhausted and unable to function. I couldn't make any decisions whatsoever, and the only thing I was capable of doing was leaking (crying) everywhere and being incoherent.

After a few hours of E-pm induced sleep, I was feeling better, and could actually be social again with Fred and the cat. That night, I took another dose, and was able to sleep for a good 8 hours - 4 in bed and 4 on the couch (I've had to change venues in sleeping half-way through so I can get comfy). Saturday found me with no pain for the first time in months. Incredible.

So, at this point, we're just waiting. I'm now 50% effaced, possibly a bit more, but am still only dialated 1.5 cm (unless THAT'S changed, too). I don't have any further OB appointments, which everyone says is odd, so I need to call the clinic tomorrow and find out if I was supposed to make further appointments, or whether they were just going to have me go in when they called... I hit the 40 week mark on this upcoming Friday... Should make for an interesting weekend...

~M

Friday, January 11, 2008

On the way...

As of today, actually... I went to physical therapy thinking nothing more about the pregnancy other than "Gee, I wonder when this whole contraction thing is going to start in..." Little did I know.

I got massaged by my therapist, then went over to say hello to an old co-worker of mine who works in a different department now. I was only there a few minutes, and when I went to get up, I turned apparently ashen and almost fell down. I also had this weird tighening sensation that would not let up, and couldn't breathe.

Linda took one look at me and had me go back to the clinic and ask to see the nurse there. I did so, and after looking at me for a few minutes, they sent me up to Labor and Delivery.

Now, I knew that Elizabeth was NOT going to be arriving today. Not by a long shot. But, I was worried that something could be wrong, since this was not a "normal" reaction to simply getting up - at least, not for me.

They strapped me into a monitoring device, set another device to hear baby's heartbeat, and proceeded to have me sit there for a good 15 minutes. The nurse came back and looked up on the screen, then said...

"Oh! Well, you're having contractions about every 3-5 minutes."
"I am?" I said... I'd had no idea - they didn't feel painful, just pressure, building up and then releasing.
"Yup. Here comes another one..."
I concentrated for once on what my body was actually doing, rather than spacing off like I normally do, and this time felt a mild, though annoying, burning/shooting pain coming up my groin and into my abdomen, as well as across my back toward my sides and up my spine.

"Oh..." I said, "So THAT'S what they feel like... Good to know."

We proceeded to go back and forth monitoring the baby and changing my position slightly to try and alleviate pressure on my tailbone for about 4 hours. Watching paint dry would have been more interesting, if only because paint at least changes color as it dries.

Elizabeth showed her immediate distaste of the entire monitoring situation by first trying to kick the monitor off her. Then, when that didn't work, she tried scratching it and/or rolling away from it. When that didn't work, either, she realized I was on my back, so she snuck into my belly cavity and hid away from it like a little submarine. I had warned them that she didn't like to be monitored, and she had an attitude, but they didn't believe me until they actually SAW what she was doing.

At one point she got so agitated that she got the hiccups again. That got a round of giggles from the nurse and the doctors. Of course, by the end of the 3rd hour, my contractions had pretty well stopped, since I hadn't been moving for 3 hours... Dammit.

The exam conclusion was yes, I'm in labor, no nothing is serious at this point, and yes I'm dialated, but only about 1-2 cm's - certainly too small to do anything with at this point. So, I'm walking lots, drinking lots of raspberry tea, and following up with more walking. Tomorrow I'm walking the pool again, if she hasn't decided to take matters into her own hands and have me go further into labor than I already am...

I went shopping this evening for all the groceries I think we'll need for a little bit - wanted to make sure that Fred had food, and that I would have food as well if she went ahead of schedule and I was too pooped to go to the store afterwards. We also picked up a few weeks worth of disposables just in case, as well as baby wipes, bath stuff, and some nursing pads and the OTHER pads... So, we should be mostly ok at this point... We'll see.

~M

Thursday, January 10, 2008

On to the ricockulous...

Because it's beyond ridiculous...

Got a text message from my mother yesterday informing me that she hoped the baby would be late, as she wouldn't be able to get away and come down until at least the 8th of Feb, and would only be able to stay until the 15th...

I'm inclined to tell her not to even bother.

Honestly, I'm not sure she understands that I'm even *in* the family at this point... She's so wrapped up with taking care of my sister and her kids - that's why she can't get away. Mel can't seem to keep her 15-year-old under a modicum of control and personally responsible for herself and her actions, and "can't" find a daycare program that she likes for the 3-year-old. Thus, my mother chooses to drive back and forth between Pt Townsend and Seattle each week and takes care of the kids while Mel goes either to work (dump truck driver, union, makes $28-$32/hr) or to physical therapy for her foot - which she's been nursing for a year or more.

Whenever I point out that Mel is a grown woman, and should be capable of taking care of her kids herself, Mom plays the guilt card, stating that Mel is a single parent, can't do everything by herself, blah blah blah... She's done this for the past 10 years, and probably will not stop until she dies of an overdose from travel.

Since Mel had such a "terrible" childhood (parents divorced when she was 9, was beaten regularly by father, chose to live on streets by 13 to avoid her "horrible" step-father [my dad] and her horrible father), and mum couldn't fix it, she feels it necessary to do everything she possibly can to "fix" things now... And Mel, since she had such a terrible childhood, and mum didn't fix it, feels she is entitled to everything she possibly can get from the world - and is training her children to be the same way.

Never mind that Mel had a choice when she decided to live on the streets - she could have lived with either our grandmother, or live with my father and our mother. However, she would have had to live with rules she didn't want to live by... like going to school, getting decent grades, getting a job if she wanted extra money, etc... All those horrible things that a responsible young adult does as they grow up and learn to live on their own in the world...

Rather than do that, Mel chose to live on the streets by her own rules, and ended up on drugs and alcohol by the time she was 16, and didn't get clean until she was 26. Our mother blames herself for Mel's past choices and Mel's father being a child- and wife-beater, so as I mentioned before, she is attoning for her past "sins".

Since I had 2 parents my whole life, neither of whom beat or abused me, apparently I don't need to have the support that my sister does... And while my mother feels guilty about it, she consoles herself with the fact that my upbringing was so much better than Mel's, and I didn't have the issues that Mel had growing up.

I got so angry (and am STILL so angry about it), I felt like screaming. Last night, however, had an odd dream with Dad in it. He showed up and we spoke for about two hours about it - the upshot was that he told me even if Mom wasn't there, he would be. Before you think this is a "normal" thing, Dad passed away in '94... So, it was rather bizarre.

There's something not quite right with a family where you can rely more on your dead relatives than you can on your live ones...

~M

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

OK...

So, yeah, it's been a bit since my last update. I would have written this weekend, but I was a bit busy...

See, with the baby coming, I got a wild hair up my ass and decided that we really needed to do a cleaning party on the house. Not just a bit of dusting and putting stuff away, but really, down-and-dirty, in the cracks and crevaces clean.

So, at 9:45 Saturday morning, Raistlin arrived with TSP and a determined attitude. We woke up the two girls who had slept over the night before after visiting, and roped them into it as well. I brewed coffee, and started general fussing with snack items, as I had been told repeatedly that I was not to do *ANYTHING* more strenuous than putting out cheese and crackers.

Lil and Anxiety showed up around 10:30 or so and commenced to helping out. Lil got into the kitchen and Anxiety helped move everything out of the front room.

I apparently was a lot more optimistic about the house than I should have been... There was 8 years worth of bachelor-hood to be removed from both the walls and floor, not to mention the at-least 6-7 years worth of dust wending its way through the rooms as well...

Bobby came by around noon with the shampooer, which was perfect timing, as most of the room had been emptied, less the large furniture items. The room had its walls completely washed down and all the nicotine plaque from years of smoking in the house was removed. Then the baseboard heater was washed down, the floor was swept, then vacuumed, and then Bobby commenced to shampooing the carpet.

To say that it was a bit needed was something of an understatement. I honestly am surprised that it's still together at this point, since what we got up looked like we could have planted several redwoods and they would have thrived. It went from dark black dirt-water, to gamer-strength coffee (equal to the opacity of Turkish coffee), to sort of a dirt-grey after two rinses. We decided to stop there, since obviously we weren't going to get much more out of the carpet, besides the carpet itself - and we would like to keep it...

Bobby also steam-cleaned the persian rug, which apparently also needed it. Years of general abuse, and nothing other than the occasional vacuum left it needing a good washing.

Next, everything had to be put *back* - a more physically demanding part of the job. While everyone else was heading into and out of the baby room (where we had stored pretty much everything while the front room was being cleaned), I snuck into the bathroom with impliments of destruction and proceeded to re-caulk the bathtub, and wash down the walls. Yes, I'm evil. But I really needed to do something, and that type of nit-picky job was just perfect for me, since it was out of the way and was needing to be done, anyway.

Lil and Anxiety had to leave around one-ish, to finish some errands. The kitchen, while not completely clean (tops of the cupboards and fridge, and inside of fridge still needed to be done), was much better than it had been, and the extra hands were definitely appreciated.

I ordered out for pizza about 4pm - the time when Raistlin and Emma both found me in the bathroom wiping down walls and gave me dirty looks for doing anything... Just as an aside note: The Pizza Hut Pizza Mia pizzas are good, but you won't get nearly the amount of toppings they advertize on tv. Then again, for $5 per shot, I wasn't expecting huge amounts of anything.

We stopped, finally, around 6:30-ish... And I realized that we hadn't even touched the dining room, or our room, and there were lots of things still stacked up in piles to go through in the Baby's room, too... I decided not to worry about it at that point, but did realize that 10 years worth of dirt and grime is going to take more than 1 day to wipe out - unless you have about 5 people per room working on it...

We gamed afterwards, which was a nice way to relax for the evening, and then went to bed where I had a pretty good night's sleep for once.

Sunday found me in a chair in front of the fridge, unpacking and cleaning the inside of it. I got only to the fridge part of it - not the seal, the freezer or the outside, much to my dismay. My back gave out on me after a few hours, and I ended up paying for it Monday morning when it wouldn't let me out of bed for literally 2.5 hours, causing me to think that perhaps I was going to have to get the mattress steam-cleaned as well...

I also did a quick photo shoot with Fred to show off how big Elizabeth has gotten in comparison to me... They came out pretty darned good, if I do say so myself. I will have to post up a few of my faves once they're done editing.

I called in yesterday and proceeded to hot-pack my back and hips all day, and did physical therapy exersises in a vain attempt to relax my back enough to sleep last night. Had a few braxton-hicks which felt fairly strong and regular, but then went away after about two hours. The pool at the gym helped my back and hips, though I did find that there were times when it was almost impossible to move myself through the water simply because of the shape that I am currently. Rounded prow of ship, plus opposing force of water, equals stuck for a few seconds...

Went home last night and collapsed. Woke up at 3, just in time to realize not only could I not breathe, my back and hips were both killing me. So, took some tylenol and sucked on a throat losenge to try and clear out my sinuses. It worked - sort of. I got more sleep, at least.

I have decided that the next really big project is going to be our room. I have no allergy problem at all in the front room now - it's all in our room. Can't breathe, can't sleep very well, and my throat always feels sore. SO - I will be bugging Bobby to bring back the steam-cleaner and we will do the same thing in our room we did to the front room, then put everything back, tidily. Hopefully we can do this prior to the baby being born - though I have to say this right now:

If I head off to have the baby prior to having the room done, I want the room done before I come home. *chuckle*

This weekend's major project will most likely be cleaning up, sorting and putting away everything in the baby's room. Raistlin is thinking that Elizabeth will come on Saturday. I just know that things seem to feel like they're gearing up a little faster than they had been even two weeks ago when baby dropped. I'm wanting to sleep pretty much full-time, but when I'm awake it's all I can do to not get down on hands and knees and start tooth-brush scrubbing floors (I stop myself because there's no one to pick me up when my legs go to sleep...).

So, I will keep people updated on the continuing story of getting the house in order, as well as the Elizabeth project. *chuckle*

~M

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

"Not everyone is perfect..."

So, I'm waiting at the bus stop today, and watch as the bus comes up and almost passes by me. It comes to a halt, then the driver has another 45 seconds trying to open the door so I could get in.

The issue was not that the bus was old (it was, but still in good working order), or that the driver didn't *know* what she was doing (she did). No - the issue that caused her to both almost miss my stop completely, pull in late, and then not be able to open the door properly was because her bright red, Motorolla flip-phone was firmly glued to her ear, being held up by one of her hands...

Now, while Oregon does not yet have a law enacted to prohibit the use of cell phones while driving, the public transit company DOES have a regulation prohibiting drivers from the use of cell phones while driving. The possibility of serious injury to either the driver, the passengers, or to other motorists increases 10-fold when dealing with a 1-ton vehicle...

So, here we are 17 passengers, two of which haven't even reached age 6 yet, are all being driven around by this woman who cannot seem to put down her phone. She finally clicks it off about half-way through my ride. I already noted down the bus information and time into my phone so I can call it in, but can't resist seeing whether she actually thought what she was doing was really *wrong*.

The verbal exchange went as follows:

Me: Honestly, I don't think I'd ever be as brave as you...
Driver: Brave? Brave how?
M: Driving a bus with the lives of 15 people in my hands, all while talking constantly on my cell phone.
D: Well, not all of us are perfect, you know... Are you?
M: No - but at least I know when to put my cell phone down and not use it.
D: Well, as I said - Not everyone is perfect in this world...
M: Hmmm. Be that as it may, I know that Tri-Met really frowns on the usage of cell phones while you guys are driving.
D: Yeah, that's true - but again, not everyone is perfect - I know I'm not, what about you? (getting a defensive tone in her voice)
M:(as I'm getting out of the bus at my stop) Not everyone is perfect, but everyone has the possibility of following their company regulations and being responsible.

This exchange really got me thinking, especially since the driver readily acknowledged that she knew the policy against driving while talking on her cell, but excused it so easily by saying that "not everyone is perfect". When (because with her attitude, it's not a question of if) she ends up in an accident due to driving while talking on her cell phone, and she injures her passengers and whomever she hits, what will she say to the review board? "Well, yeah, I know that there was a risk factor involved, but, you know - not everyone is perfect..." Does she really believe that this is going to get her out of trouble?

I am of the honest opinion that you should be able to do whatever you wish - as long as you are not going to take others along with you if you're going to be reckless. Once you start putting other people into possible physical danger, you forfeit the right to being so cavalier an attitude about what it is that you're doing. If you have the possibility of injuring or killing another human being by your actions, you don't get to do that anymore. Period. End of story.

I don't think that any judge in any part of the country would accept the "Well, ya know your honor, yes, I knew the policy, and yes I knew there was a risk, but - not everyone is perfect" as a valid excuse for any reckless action. If you willingly took the risk there's no excuse, and you deserve to be punished.

I'm so calling the transit center tomorrow.

~M

Reflections, changes, and a big drop...

So, it's now 2008. Strangely (or not), I feel no different than I did yesterday. Then again, it's hard to feel different when you're busy doing other things that takes your brain off what calendar day it is.

Over the past year, there have been some major changes in my life, most all of them good:

*I got a new job with a company that, so far, I like working for. Not only that, but the work is not horribly difficult and there are plenty of opportunities to expand out of the call center and into other areas. It's also closer to home, which is nice.

*I found out I was pregnant, something I've been wanting for a while, and both Fred and I were completely ecstatic about it.

*I got married to my best friend - the surprise wedding of the century in our circle of friends, really, since both of us had been swearing that we were NEVER going to do that whole matrimony thing ever again...

*We got a new kitty baby, who is both odd and shy, yet loving and snuggly.

There were less than stellar moments in the last year, too...

*Speedboy decided to try and turn over a new leaf, so moved down with his mom. While this is wonderful for him, and a great chance, we still do miss him.

*My dearest of feline companions passed away after an 8 month battle with renal failure.

*My back failed after several weeks, and I am now in physical therapy.

So, all in all, there were an equal amount of ups and downs, all sort of balancing themselves out.

For me, the new year came while I was sleeping. I lead such the exciting life, what with having an extra-large medicine ball stuffed into the front of my pants (it's not really a baby - I'm smuggling wiggly chocolates - they're heavy!)... I decided not to go to the New Year's party at Mandarin Palace, and instead stayed home to fix the belly band so it gave me more support, and then went to sleep around 9:45 or so.

Fred went to the party, though, and apparently had a good time, from all accounts. I'm glad he went, since it's so rare that either of us gets to go out and really party down. I'll probably have a moment after the baby is born, and Fred can stay home with Elizabeth. :-)

Speaking of Elizabeth - she dropped over the weekend, which would be why I had to fix the belly band. I now have a "belly bowl", as Fred calls it,which gives just enough extra support when I'm going through the motions of getting up or sitting down so that I'm not feeling like I'm getting a hernia.

Elizabeth herself is slowly moving and stretching for the most part now, rather than heavy kicking and fluttering. I think she's biding her time until we least expect it, and then when we least expect it, she will start her entrance. Not even out of the womb, and she's already asserting her independence. Definitely Fred's kid. LOL.

One of my co-workers is talking about starting a betting pool and giving the proceeds to Elizabeth. I told her I wouldn't mind - it would be a nice way to start a college fund, eh?

Meanwhile, the party plans are proceeding, and I am hopeful that I will be more relaxed once the house is clean.

~M