Admitting defeat...

I finally broke down yesterday and got signed up for counselling. I have been fighting with the post-partum for a while now, and I just can't seem to get through it on my own. I know now that I cannot do this without help and, while I *HATE* asking for help, I must do so in order to be healthy for everyone.

The scariest part was admitting to Fred that I was needing it, and why. I would never, ever hurt Elizabeth - not even on my worst days. If things get out of control and frustrating, I simply put her safely into her crib and give myself a 10-minute time out, then try again. Hurting myself, on the other hand, is getting to be a more and more acceptable idea - and that's not good for anyone.

So, I have a phone counselling session today, and I am making appointments for regular visits with a counsellor starting as soon as possible... We shall see. I hope, for everyone's sake, that this works. I don't want to be thrown into the looney bin, or lose Elizabeth. However, I know that I can't do this on my own anymore - and while Fred is great, I need to talk with someone outside the picture this time...

Wish me luck...

~M

Update of sorts...

Well, it's looking like the babysitter crisis has been resolved. We found a nice young gal, recently re-located from Tulsa, OK, whom Elizabeth seems to like a lot, and we both like quite a bit, too. I'm breathing a light sigh of relief, and am lots less stressed.

I've been suffering from stress migraines again. Not happy about it, but am dealing with it. Went to see my primary care dr, and he prescribed some meds to take care of flare-ups. Hopefully won't have to take them too often... So far, have only had to take one, and the rest of them have been managed with Excedrin and meditation, which is good.

Elizabeth is growing like a weed. She's now over 13 lbs, and over 24" long!

Chuck Norris' Total Gym has nothing on my kid! I have incrementally increasing weight loads, difficulty ratings are increased or decreased based on wiggliness, and it even comes with it's own cheering section (she screams at me if I'm not moving fast enough - LOL). Why have a home gym?

Mom came down this last weekend to visit, and bring a christening gown with her that's been in our family for over 100 years. I will be scanning in a few pics and putting them up when we have time. Elizabeth looked absolutely beautiful in it, and decided almost immediately that she needed to eat it.

We are currently starting to get ready for the tourney season, and have found that we need a few more things prior to actually heading out - another lamp or two, and another two heaters, one for Elizabeth's room, and one for the main room of the tent. Also, at least 2 if not 3 chairs to sit in, and I wouldn't mind a table... Looking at Ebay for stuff, and will also be heading to local Goodwills and the like to (hopefully) find stuff...

~M