Introspection...

Sort of... You see, there's been a lot of changes in my life (our lives, really) in the last few months. I've been wanting to get them all down and figure out what is in my head. I already know (pretty much) what's in Fred's head. While I don't claim to always understand it, I know what is in there. LOL.

So, firstly, there was the news that I'm pregnant. I'm getting to a point now where I'm used to the idea, and excited about being a mommy. I'm not kidding myself into thinking I'm "ready" by any means, but I'm more than willing to do my best - which is all any parent can do. Fred's excited as well. As I wrote in a previous post, he told *everyone* he could at The Gathering that we were expecting. I've gotten nothing but the best of support from him, and I am so, so proud and thankful to have him in my life. I could not have asked for a better partner.

Speaking of The Gathering, and the rest of the SCA events, we are heading to 1 SCA event together, and that's it, this year. *sigh* Unfortunately, due to work (specifically a new job I just started), I am unable to take all the time off I'd want in order to go to said events. Even so, I know that Fred's had a fairly good time - although he's not slept very well, and neither have I.

One of the things that we did end up doing was deciding on an event-by-event basis as to whether he had a bed-warmer. I'm not normally a horribly jealous person, but I did have some issues with this arrangement as it got closer to each event. I am ashamed to say it, but I actually broke down in tears at one point about it. I'm blaming it on hormones due to the baby, but I also know that in the past, with other relationships, there have been issues introducing a bed-warmer to the mix - no matter how casual. Fred has decided that Sea Dogs would be the last event that he did that, much to both my relief and chagrin.

On the upshot, the gal that he ended up with for the events is very nice, not looking for a relationship, and seems to be genuinely interested in making friends. So, I'm not as intimidated with the whole situation as I had been. I think it was the unknown, as well as the possible hurt/loss that was going on in my head.

One of the things that I've always known about having either a monogomous relationship, an open relationship or a poly relationship (in my eyes, there's a distinct difference between open or poly), is that there has to be trust, love, and the 3 c's: Communication, communication, communication. LOL. It's not simple, it's not easy, and it's not without it's misunderstandings. However, I have seen poly relationships work, and I have to say that I am in awe of those who are both willing and capable of doing what they can to maintain said relationships. It can be extremely rewarding to everyone concerned. I'm not sure it's for me, but it's definitely something that is workable, if all parties are willing.

In any case, long story short, I'm glad that he did find someone that seems to be so cool, and we're inviting her over for dinner so that we can get to know her better.

Work is going ok - I have been sick the past two days with a sinus infection that has beaten me down to a pulp. I was to have covered a shift Monday and Tuesday, and instead was home, sick and miserable. I have to say, I dislike the excessive rules and exceptions that have been put in place regarding calling out some of the on/call people and their groups. It's incredible, the number of things that is required to remember - and if you fail to remember one thing, you will get coached on it. I've only been there 4 months as of tomorrow, but it's been a mind-boggling trip so far - especially when my memory seems to be so sadly lacking of late (they say that will change in about 19 years, once the baby is out of the house. LOL).

I've quit the Mothering.com site. After the last posting about marijuana usage while pregnant, I just couldn't stay there any further. I knew it wasn't a good place for me. I'm sorry, but I just can't agree with it. The ONE study they were quoting constantly was done in Jamaica, with the support of the March of Dimes, and featured a total of 43 subjects. It wasn't even a 10th of the population. I agree with the fact that so far, nothing "difinitive" has been found, but at the same time, I have seen the effects of long-term marijuana usage, and I won't be supportive of its use without strict guidelines from both a Dr and midwife. I also know that the FDA has refused to legalize it at this time NOT because of any moral judgement, but because each plant has its own level of toxicity - until they can have the same toxicity every time, they cannot do studies to prove it's safety, or lack thereof. A gal at work, who is studying to become a midwife, said the following: Until you can guarantee that everything about the plant is exactly the same each time, and unless you have both a midwife and Dr working with you constantly, you have no business using it.

I had other issues with that site, though. They absolutely refused to discuss any type of vaccinations (voluntary was ok, but no mandatory vaccs), circumcisions (which I don't believe in, but let's not just completely NOT talk about it, ok folks?), abortion, or anything that would "negatively impact the full mothering experience"... It was just a very odd place to be in, especially when I didn't feel that ANY of those subjects should be "banned" from a site because "no one" there believes in them. From my perspective, all of them have valid points to discuss, and none of them should negatively impact anything, if they are discussed with a modicum of respect and thought. Of course, I've never been one to hold my tongue if I feel strongly about something. I may tactfully suggest something, but I won't hold my tongue. Apparently, however, that's just not allowed. So, adios, pepe.

I get my health insurance today, so I will be calling to make an appointment asap to check out what's going on with my little bean. I still haven't gotten the insurance CARDS yet, but I have my membership number, so it should work... right? Hopefully.

And off I go to get something to eat, and then make some phone calls...

~M