Forgiveness...

Sometimes, it's so easy to get so involved in the drama of the outside world, that you forget to look within yourself and see what's going on there...

I'd forgotten how hard it is to be forgiving to yourself. It's so much easier to forgive others around you for various things - but it can be difficult to forgive yourself for even the littlest of transgressions.

I suppose the biggest reason why would be because you cannot control everyone else's actions. We can't forgive ourselves our actions, thoughts, or ideas, because we are in control, and can make the choices, good or bad.

I've decided that it's time to be a little kinder to myself. I'm looking to start fresh and turn a new page in my life. It might sound silly, but if you look at all the things in your life that you've done in the past and list down your regrets, your personal admonitions, your self-anger at what you've done in the past, the list may get a little out of hand.

My list includes weight issues, my issues with control, with relationships, with self-worth, with intelligence (and lack thereof), personal choices, financial choices... you name it, it's long.

I'm thinking that I will be a lot more healthy if I can get a lot of these things out of my brain and quit dwelling on them so often. A lot of them are things I can no longer change or do anything about, so I need to simply up-root them and throw them away. They're not doing anything useful, and are cluttering up my brain with nasty, self-depreciating thoughts. Others are things that I can do something about in the future, but only once I have the tools to straighten them out - which means I need to work with them next, and figure out how to store them until I *can* work with them to resolve it.

So - since tomorrow is the new moon, I think I'm going to do a ritual tonight to help work with all of these new thoughts and ideas, and start fresh. I understand that this is going to be a step-by-step process, and that I will have a lot of bad habits to break, but I think if I do this a step at a time, and take it slow, I should be able to get to a much healthier way of thinking...

~M